Family · Fostering · Inspiration

There is no ‘winning’.

I’ve been struggling with something over the past month and I’m a bit nervous to share my feelings, but I read something this morning that put words to my exact feelings. So here it goes.

Last month, Peep’s parents signed an entrustment; basically signing over their rights to him. It was honestly the most brave, selfless act. That day, and recently when it was approved in court, we got so many congratulations. They ran the gamut from “He is so lucky to have you” to “Thank God he gets to stay with you”. And all of those are true, I think. We are able to provide a safer environment for him and God has provided us with more resources for helping him battle his developmental delays. And I was incredibly happy to be one step closer to having Peep be a permanent part of our family, because we love him dearly and no matter what I will always be his mama. But I could not enjoy the happy congratulatory phrases. I had such conflicting feelings battling inside. Outwardly, I was happy and celebrating in the fact that Peep was moving towards permanency with our family. Inwardly, I was mourning. For his parents. When you aren’t an active part of this process, it is easy to view the the situation in terms of “us” (the foster parents) and “them” (the birth parents). But I can’t. And we shouldn’t.  We did not win that day.

“Terminating parental rights is a very serious thing, and even when it is best interest of the child, or requested by the child, it doesn’t make it any easier.

NO ONE WON TODAY. There were NO “winners” in that courtroom today. No one cheered at the outcome. No one was excited. There was no joy. It was a somber day for all involved. Everyone knew what today meant and it weighed heavy on all of us in the room.

Parents walked out without a child.

A child, no matter the age, walked out without a parent.

There were no winners today.

Today was tragic. Today was hard. I am sad in my heart tonight for all parties because I am human.”

– from Humans Of Foster Care facebook page

There is joy in this process. There is happiness and relief and hope for Peep’s future. But God calls us to also share in the sorrowful burden his birth parents are carrying, and only God can provide true healing and peace for all parties. I hope you’ll take a minute to pray for that for Peep’s birth parents; and then take it a step further and include all parents, kids, social workers, attorney’s, and judges involved in these types of situations.

God will heal and mend. It is who He is and what He does.

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3 thoughts on “There is no ‘winning’.

  1. I loved this so much. Brought tears to my eyes. Peep is lucky to have you but I do fell sad for him and his parents. I am sure it wasn’t an easy thing to do. I couldn’t imagine giving up my boys. Praying for everyone involved.


  2. When we had our rights terminated for our adopted daughter it was crushing. Brutal. but needed. Clearly she was not thriving in our home and her wish was permanent foster care. When we walked out of the courtroom , she and I broke out in tears and hugged each other like we never had before. We spoke words of affirmation to each other and then we let go. Her 18th birthday is approaching and she will age out soon. We always pray for that random call or visit. Two years later it has not happened, but we wait with anticipation that the Lord has her right where she is to be.


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