Being a mom

- Oh Happy Daze

Month 5 is over and meet Jack Jack

I’ve returned to the world of Facebook and other media sites after a month of hibernating. My return is cautious, of course, since I’ve made great progress over the past month in reducing my addictions and don’t want to backslide into my previous time-wasting habits. I’ve got a blog post in the works detailing my month-long un-thrilling adventure in de-toxing myself from media; be on the lookout for that later this week.  I decided to kick off my ‘return to the internets’ party by jumping right in to tell you about our latest adventure and my big parenting fail of the week.
We have an extra little one in our house for a few weeks.
jack_jack_500_large
We’ll call him Jack-Jack.
I’m fairly certain they used our little visitor as the model for Jack Jack in this clip from The Incredibles. Definitely a little fiery at times, and quick as lightning, but mostly sweet as can be. I don’t always feel like Mrs. Incredible, though. So, on to my parenting fail:

Yesterday (Sunday) evening we decided to take the kiddos to the park because it was a beautiful 65 degree day. I forgot, though, that just because it is warm doesn’t mean the sun doesn’t still set at 5:00pm. We roll up to the park after having chatted with Charlotte the entire way about what her favorite part of the park is and what she is going to do first, etc. It is dusk. The park gate is closed. Plan B. Chick-fil-A has an indoor play place that Charlotte can now traverse independently. We report to our 2-year-old backseat driver that the park is closed. She weeps. We try to stop the tears by talking about the yummy chicken nuggets she will get to eat and the slide that she can play on after dinner as we drive to Plan B. She starts gabbing all about her chick-fil-a desires and even says “Mommy, my Chick-fil-a waiting for me”. heart melt. As chick-fil-a comes into view Chris and I both realize it is Sunday. Chick-fil-a is closed on Sundays. There will be no slide. No chicken nuggets. Plan C. The mall has a play-place. And a food court. We drive to the mall. It is 5:30. The mall closes at 5:30 on Sundays. As we back out of the parking space, Charlotte weeps again, “My chicken, my slide”. More tears. Jack Jack begins to get hungry for dinner as well. Surround sound wailing commences in the back seat.  We explain to Charlotte that the slide is closed. She weeps even bigger crocodile tears with her mouth gaped open and puts her hand over her forehead dramatically. Plan D. We drive home and let her eat bread and watch Frozen while laying under a fort.

She was just as content with Plan D as she would have been with Plan A, B, and C, but I hated that feeling of not being able to keep my word to her. This is just the first of many lessons we will both learn as mother and daughter. A lesson in disappointment for her, a lesson in keeping plans under wraps until the optimal time for me. I’m sure that isn’t the only ‘bread for dinner under a blanket fort’ kind of nights we will encounter as awesome parents.
 
 

- Oh Happy Daze

Screen Time, and why we don't allow it.

Charlotte has discovered her sweet spot in the house – when standing in the far corner of the large back door she can look into our neighbor’s house and watch their 60 inch television ’til her heart’s content. Very sneaky kiddo, very sneaky. She is a bit starved for television these days now that she actually knows what it is, but Chris and I are standing firm with our goal of not letting her watch television until after her 2nd birthday. She’s already starting with the negotiations, though: “mommy, I watch tv… one minute”. I resist giving in to her little plea every time, and here’s why:
It’s no secret that our society today is driven by technology, and that doesn’t just apply to adults. I am constantly within arms reach of my phone and, as a result, it didn’t take Charlotte very long to recognize that phones were important. I don’t think there’s a child alive in the US that hasn’t seen a television, phone, iPad, or movie; I’d bet most kiddos encounter all of those numerous times a day. In the US, almost 90% of infants and toddlers are exposed to TV programs before they turn 2 and by age 3 almost 1/3 have a television in their room {source,source}. Frankly, that’s startling.
Now before I go any further I don’t want you to think I’m putting on my judgmental hat or that I sit here on my hoity toity throne dishing out advice I gained from all my awesome parenting experiences. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m new at this. I only have 1 child whom I have parented for all of 23 months so far {even less, since the first months are more about keeping the fresh baby alive and less about shaping them to become an awesome human being}.  I do, however, consider myself a kid professional: previously a preschool teacher, swim and gymnastics instructor, tutor, babysitter, and now a pediatric speech therapist.Please read this post in its entirety; I’m just like you, I skim through some blogs and form my opinion based on the phrases and power words I gleaned. I think this post may brush some nerves, though, and I don’t want someone walking away with the wrong idea. Parenting choices are always a difficult topic to approach, but I’m feeling quite brave tonight so let’s dive in.
I am so thankful I recently (about 2 years ago) stumbled upon several articles that offered some interesting information which confronted most of my previous assumptions about babies and toddlers watching television. Previously I was in the same mindset as most other parents out there: “TV is ok as long as the shows are educational”. I am writing this today, as both a mother and a pediatric speech language pathologist,  to provide you with the same information I stumbled across so you can then make your own educated decision.  I’m not quite sure how this research about television viewing and kids has not become part of the mainstream parenting mindset, other than that there may be some big corporations who make big money on children’s television programming at work keeping things under wraps. That, and the simple fact that television + children = quiet. Quiet means moms and dads and caregivers are able to do what they want or need to do without distraction. Quiet is good, tv quiet is really good and, I’m just going to come right out and say it…. quiet is easy. I’m sorry if that feels like a sucker punch, but it’s not like this is new information. Turning on the television to entertain a child is easy. Don’t be mad, really, I am not saying this to make anyone feel guilty. There are a million reasons why people let their children watch television/movies, and not all of them are selfish ‘because I need you kids to be quiet’ reasons. I have a feeling that some of you set your wee little babe in front of the tv simply because that’s what everyone else does. Or maybe you are just in the habit of keeping the tv on in the background all day for yourself? Let’s look at some research {I never thought I’d be saying that}.
When Charlie was still a fresh baby {maybe 1 month old?} I came across an article from the American Academy of Pediatrics recommending no television/movie time for children under the age of 2 (source). I was honestly really shocked. I mean, what about all those Baby Einstein videos?! Aren’t they for, ya know…. babies?  I was confused, so I did some more digging. As it turns out, there is quite a bit of research out there regarding the negative impact of television viewing and babies/toddlers. But not in the way you may think:

“Infants’ attraction to screens is driven by the visual-orienting reflex. Our brains our wired to respond to novelty, especially bright colors, loud sounds, and flashing lights. This is basically a startle reflex, and it accounts for why infants stare at video screens. It does not mean they are enjoying the stimulation- rather, they are slaves to their own reflexes and actually do not have the control to look away. This can actually be stressful to infants, and may have harmful effects on a developing brain that has not evolved to tolerate all this stimulation…”

{source}

So basically, if our babies are ‘captivated by’ a specific show, it truly has little to do with the content, and more to do with their little brain reflexes on overdrive. Their startle reflex is being triggered over and over and over again, their brain unable to relax or shut down. This has big implications for the success of a child’s brain development in those first few years of life. Several recent studies outline numerous negative effects of screen-time in babies and excessive screen-time in children: sleep problems, obesity, decreased ability to concentrate, delayed language acquisition, reduced creative play, reduced problem solving skills… and on and on (source, source).  The captivating reflex aside, research has not been able to support the idea that children under 2 glean information from shows deemed ‘educational’ (source), so even if it wasn’t harmful, it isn’ helpful either.

 Unstructured play time is more valuable for the developing brain than electronic media. Children learn to think creatively, problem solve, and develop reasoning and motor skills at early ages through unstructured, unplugged play. Free play also teaches them how to entertain themselves.

(source)

The American Academy of Pediatrics also recommends less than 2 hours a day of screen time for older children (source), since there is a negative correlation between the hours a child watches television and their reading skills (source). Regardless, the time a child spends watching television is time taken away from them engaging in other, more cognitive enriching activities.
I’ll be the first to say I haven’t parented long enough to see how this ‘no tv under age 2’ thing plays out when an older sibling is already allowed to watch television. I’d imagine it’s difficult, but I also know it can be done {i’ve experimented by borrowing my nephews, ages 7 and 4}. Here’s the thing about toddlers under age 2 – they nap. And it’s wonderful. Charlotte and I have gotten into a pretty good routine: she goes down for a nap, I grab a snack and turn on my guilty pleasure show {I can’t even bring myself to type it}, she wakes up, I turn off the television and go get her out of bed. It’s the perfect check and balance system because the beginning and end times for television are set and regulated by a tiny monster sleeping upstairs. Afternoons can’t be wasted away with me lying on a pile of unfolded laundry in front of the television. There is a small window of  opportunity for glorious tv viewing and once she wakes up it’s over. and sometimes it’s annoying {not gonna lie, sometimes I roll my eyes…. hard}. and there have been so many times I’ve just wanted to snuggle up on the couch and show her the Lion King and see her reaction to all the animals {the zebra seems to be her fav at the moment}. but I resist. mostly out of principle. I’ve made it 23 months without letting her watch television or movies. I can make it one more month. And once she is 2 we won’t let it be a TV free-for-all. We will continue to follow the guidelines recommended by the AAP {1-2 hours a day of high quality content only source), we may even offer less.
Now, you may be thinking that because I don’t let Charlotte watch television I probably have to lay on the floor and play with her all day long or she’d have nothing to do. but I don’t. I can’t. I would go mad. I have been very impressed with Charlotte’s development {her creative play, her ability to entertain herself, her ridiculous vocabulary, and mostly her language development}. I have seen the benefits of allowing free, unstructured play that requires creativity and active participation as opposed to the passive participation television requires of us. I also know that Charlotte has watched television under the care of other people {even my own husband admitted to letting her play a wildly stimulating alphabet game on his phone}. And that’s ok. And she has survived folks! But I’m calling all parents to truly think about what their child is gaining from television that they couldn’t gain from a conversation with us or play with a peer or even play by themselves…. the answer is nothing (and I know that because I’m a speech therapist. that’s what I do in life).
Since that was a ridiculously long post, here’s a recap:

  • AAP recommends no tv before age 2, after age 2 they recommend <2 hours a day of high-quality (read ‘educational’) programming
  • Any videos/shows geared towards babies are actually not best for baby
  • If your child seems ‘glued to the tv’ it’s because THEY ARE, thanks to a startling reflex triggered by the screen. aka: not good
  • Negative correlation (one incidence raises as the other lowers) between tv watching and reading skills, attention skills, ability to problem solve, creative play, and language acquisition.
  • Positive correlation (one raises, the other raises) between tv watching and obesity and sleep issues.
  • Not allowing Charlotte to watch television has helped curb my appetite for tv/movies (it’s not totally gone, but definitely diminished), and I am more productive throughout the day without TV being an option to distract me.
  • No television program/movie/app can deliver more educational/fundamental information for development than a warm, talking human being {at least while a kiddo is young. Once Charlotte starts asking me what the square root of 8,945 is or how many different types of kangaroos there are I’m sending her straight to the Discovery channel and a computer}

Are there ways you can begin implementing reduced television/movie/iPad/phone times in your home? Now is the best time to start; let’s not wait until more research comes to light in 10 years touting the negative effects of screen time on entire families. I think everyone can benefit from unplugging and connecting face to face.
mmmkay, are we still friends? Oh I hope so!

- admin

I'm in time-out.

2013-10-14 15.53.55

Well, it happened.
Chris put me in time-out. He made me pack up the laptop and drive to Panera to order something yummy while I sat at the computer to finish the previous post on fostering. He didn’t give me a choice. I don’t know if you all have a husband like that? One who is forcefully generous and compassionate? It’s really annoying. How dare he.
Maybe it was the barking dog. or the crying baby. or the other crying baby. or the zombie feeling from not getting enough sleep. or the to-do list running through my head {get pictures developed, find child care, make eye appointment, return library books. seriously, return library books. no time to write it on the to-do list}. or maybe it was the indigestion. or the 20 toddler books scattered on the floor. or thread unraveling the sleeve of my favorite shirt.
it could have been any one of those things that did me in. regardless, there I was, standing over the washing machine with ‘poop hands’ {I had just finished cleaning some of Charlotte’s cloth diapers}, crying and yammering on to Chris about how I’d only been able to write ONE line in my blog post in the past FOUR hours of trying to finish it.
Sad, right? It happens to us all, so don’t feel bad if you cried over ‘poop hands’ today too.
As soon as I’d gotten the tears out I felt exponentially better. It’s a halloween miracle! but Chris was set in his decision. I still feel a bit guilty, leaving him alone in the same house that brought me to the breaking point. Thank you God for giving me this husband to ‘do life’ with. There is no one better.

- admin

Got questions?

I’ve been dying to blog more often but I haven’t quite figured out how to squeeze that into my  already busy schedule of work ‘stuff’, church ‘stuff’,  and all the ‘stuff’ involved in keeping a 1 yr old alive. Recently added to my to-do list has been ‘foster stuff’, which, for those who are curious, is one of those situations where you don’t quite know what you’re getting into, paperwork wise {actually in every aspect, but more on that later} until you are already in it.  “Oh, just fill out these 2 papers. Now these 3 and sign… now just 1 more but get it notarized”… (at this point you are certain you are nearing the end), then “ho hum, just this packet of 35 more documents. Plus your current physical, shot record,  fire evacuation plan,  car insurance,  dog vaccination records, photos of your house, your tax records, and your first born”. Just kidding about the first born, but everything else is accurate, if maybe a little exaggerated.
As many of you know, our family recently took in an itty bitty squish to foster.
squishy1
Ha, not really, but any time I hear that word I think of my Disney likeness, Dory.
This has been our first official foster placement since completing our training in July.  Many of our friends and family members have had a lot of questions about fostering in general, and more specifically our current fostering experience. I’m sure there are many more questions and comments you all have kept to yourselves or simply discussed with others. “oh my, Ethel, did you hear about the Bakers? Taking in that poor babe.  I’m sure he’s like a rabid squirrel (as all foster kiddos are). Where do they keep him? I hope he doesn’t bite Charlotte.” Ok, maybe none of you are having that exact conversation. We’re not even friends with Ethel anyway.
I digress. My hope is that this post will answer some of your questions; even those that few have been bold enough to ask, but many are wondering. Though I can’t share many details {in order to protect the privacy of everyone involved} I will share as much as possible.
One more piece of business. I just want to put it out there that Chris and I have the most awesome friends and family two people could ever hope for; actually that can be extended to friends of friends and family. .. or friends of friends of family… I’ll stop there,  but you get my point. We have felt the utmost of support and love from everyone and our journey has truly been a team effort (as I think God intends it to be). Thank you to all those who have provided formula, diapers, itty bitty clothes, and meals, washed our dishes, folded our laundry, snuggled our babies, and just provided kind words and loving texts. Y’all are awesome.
Now for the question and answer portion of this post:
1. Why foster and/or adopt?
Many people have different reasons, but take a gander at this post for our perspective.
2. Aren’t you glad you got a little kid?
Well, yes. Since I don’t know where a big kid would sleep. Once you become a fostering approved home, your name is not thrown into a hat to possibly be chosen each time a child (any age) comes into care, like a game of roulette.  A 12 year old carrying their life’s possessions in a bandana tied to the end of a pole, slung over their shoulder will not randomly ring your doorbell saying ‘hi, the city of Virginia Beach sent me over, where’s your food?’  A huge part of the application process is interviews with your caseworker about what ‘type’ of children you are willing and able to handle – age, gender, emotional/physical/psychological needs. Chris and I prayed at length regarding this and decided that we would accept ages 0-3, any sex. These parameters will most likely change as our family changes. Also, it IS possible to say ‘no’ to a placement; probably difficult {emotionally}, but possible if that is not what is best for all parties involved. Social services is not in the business of removing kiddos from their families at a whim or placing them in a foster home willy-nilly. Ideally, the caseworkers are familiar with which foster families are available to take placements and which ones would be best for that child. The goal is assistance to families, protection of families,  and protection of children.
3. How long will your current kiddo stay?
The short answer (actually, non-answer) is that “we will have him ’til we don’t”. I said earlier that fostering is one of those things that you don’t know what you are into until you are into it; this is the biggest area where that applies. There are so many factors and people involved. Each case is truly unique and there’s no way to predict It is truly a process… and a slow one at that. Patience and flexibility are the name of the game. Each hearing is an opportunity for a judge to determine what is best for this little life at this time. During any one of these hearings a judge could decide for Squishy to go with a suitable relative, back with his parents, or stay with us.
4. How is Charlotte doing?
As good as any firstborn is when another baby is added to the mix. Currently,  the combination of being one, sharing attention,  and 3 angry twelve-month molars popping through have brought her to tears about once every hour of every day. All other moments, though,  she is her happy, giggly self.  Another plus, she is able to communicate her basic needs so I am able to figure out more quickly what it is that is making her wilt into a little puddle of emotion. We play the question game “do you want a drink? do you want to eat? Do you want up? Do you want help (getting your hand unstuck from that Little People car)? “Yeah”. Awesome, mommy can help; your life is not over.
5. Why would a parent give their child up into foster care? And why wouldn’t they just give them up for adoption?
Foster care is a system that has been put into place to preserve families. This means the end goal is to keep families together. Sometimes, though, children must be removed from their home {whatever ‘home’ is for them} by child protective services because of a concern for safety or abuse, neglect {many different forms: emotional, physical, etc}. In these situations the parents are not voluntarily letting their children to go {as in adoption}; they are removed from the parents for the good of the child. Each case is different, but goals are then set for the birth parents to complete within a certain amount of time.  The goals vary, depending on the reasons for CPS involvement in the first place {parent education classes, substance abuse counseling, etc}. An investigation is also conducted to determine what, if any neglect/abuse, occured. I’m not sure of the entire process, this being our first kiddo and all. Basically, our job as foster parents is to provide a safe, loving environment for a kiddo whose parents are not able to provide that for him right then. He is not our child, but we will treat him like one of ours because that is what he deserves. His parents named him, love him, and presumably want him back in their lives. We will help keep him safe while they are given time to work things out.
6. Why don’t you adopt him?
At this point,  he is not available for adoption. The ultimate goal of foster care is to preserve a family. If, in the future, a judge decides to terminate parental rights {meaning his parents have not taken/ or were not able to take the steps needed to improve their situation enough to gain their child back}, and a suitable family member/relative has not been identified to care for him {kinship care}, then the possibility of adoption will be on the table for us to consider.
7. Does he have any issues?
This one always makes me laugh. The short answer is yes. He has issues, I have issues… we all have issues. Ha, that’s why we need God! Does he have any delays or disabilities? None that can be detected at this age, time will tell. One important thing to note is that there are different  levels of foster parenting. In order to care for children with disabilities {previously known at the time of placement}, you must become a therapeutic foster parent and complete additional training. If you do not believe you are able to take on a child with a disability, then that is not a placement a social worker would give you because that would not be in the best interest of the child.
8. What if you get another foster kiddo while you have this one?
That would ultimately be up to Chris and I. At this time… heck no. This mama can only handle 2 babies under 13 months at  time. I can’t fathom how those parents with multiples do it. Go team Baker! Our friends and family have also been ridiculously helpful with everything, as mentioned above. Yup, y’all are still awesome.
9. How can you afford it?
Well, as with the addition of any child there are costs. We were definitely not prepared for this  addition because it was so sudden – a human who doesn’t eat real food or use a potty costs significantly more right off the bat. Our squishy came with 1 article of clothing and whatever diapers we snagged from his hospital bassinet. We were given a purchase order for clothing and more diapers. Unfortunately, the store I had to use the PO in had very limited stock in the way of newborn sized clothing. like none. I ended up using the PO to buy mostly 18-24 month sizes, which will come in handy in 2 years for whoever is in charge of dressing him at that time. These clothes will go with him even if he leaves our care. He {and we} will also benefit from WIC, which will provide about half of the formula he needs each month. Chris and I will also receive a small amount of money from social services each month to help with anything else he may need during his stay {like covering the cost of formula that isn’t supplemented by WIC}. Let me put it in perspective for those who think that some people just foster as a source of income;  we will receive less in one month than I make in one day at work {so going the ‘sleepless nights and spit-up’ route to get rich quick won’t work…. but the non-monetary benefits certainly exist and are abundant}.
10. Where do they sleep?
Each situation is different. There are certain guidelines to follow as far as sleeping arrangements; the space in your home and the number of kiddos currently living in the home are all factors to take into consideration. Typically, same genders may bunk together, but it all depends on the needs of the child. Our squish is in a pack and play in our room, just like we would have any other newborn. At this time, I’m not sure what we will do if he is here long-term. We currently have 3 bedrooms: the master, Charlotte’s room, and the office/craft/sewing/junk room. I am considering moving our ‘office’ down stairs to clear up some space, but there is still just too much ‘craftiness’ going on in there to completely dissolve that whole room. Definitely a third world problem, I know. And so far down the road I shouldn’t even be thinking of it. bad Ashley.
11. What do they come with?
Each situation is different. I feel like a broken record saying that, ha. Sometimes they come with clothes, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they come with toys and possessions. Sometimes they don’t. Our squish came with nothing because he was so new to the world he hadn’t had time to accrue any possessions. Fortunately, we were somewhat prepared because our own babe only recently graduated from baby-hood to toddler-hood. We had to provide the carseat, crib, swings, pacifiers… all the usual baby stuff. Our friends and family have been rockstars and have provided a variety of boy clothing {poor babe would have been sporting pinkalicious garb} as well as donated tons of formula to get us through the first few weeks before WIC kicks in and some of his money comes in. Also, each kiddo comes with a name. Many people have asked if we named him, I think because he is a fresh baby. Most of the time, the birth parents are not voluntarily relinquishing their children to CPS, in comparison with adoption in which a mother may know that she will give her baby to someone else, and the adoptive parents may name the child? I’m not exactly sure, but all foster kiddos come with names. And history.
12. Where do they go during the day?
It is in the best interest of the child to continue in daily routines; if they were in school before being removed from their home, they will continued to attend the same school/daycare, etc. Otherwise, they go where you go. Church, vacations, family outings… you are loving them and treating them as your own child. Now, there are times when all parents need to get away, sans-children. Chris and I had planned a weekend camping trip for our anniversary last weekend. You never know when you may get a call, so you just have to be flexible {i’m laughing out loud right now as I type that. Me? Flexible?}. We had already planned for Charlotte to go to my parent’s house, but I was worried about what we would do with Squishy. You can’t just send a foster kiddo to anyone’s home. They must be another foster family, or at least have had a background check and approved by the caseworker {for shorter term babysitting}. Squish ended up staying with our friends who are also foster parents. It was such a relief to have him stay with someone familiar. If we didn’t have the Caton’s to take him, another foster family would have been asked to care for him while we were away… but there’s no way I would have been able to enjoy my time away. I would have been worrying about him too much, being so fresh and all.
13. Did you get a maternity leave? Why are you back at work?
I am so very fortunate enough to have an amazing job and a very understanding boss. I currently only work 2 days  week in a per-diem position, meaning no paid time-off and no benefits {so no maternity leave}. Financially, I was only able to take one week off work to snuggle and bond with baby {and my 13 month baby, too} – we just couldn’t handle me missing more than one week’s pay. When I am at work, Charlotte is at her Aunt Mel’s and Squishy is with another foster family {though this arrangement is temporary and I am currently searching for another licensed daycare provider for him, preferably in-home. So hit a mama up if you know of any}.
14. Won’t it be hard when he leaves?
yes. it will be hard. on all of us. there’s no way a little life can be a part of our family {for even one day} and not steal our hearts. but i’m ok with that. If squishy needs love, bonding, and a safe home then we will do anything we can to make that happen. I don’t believe a life lived solely for myself is the life God has intended for me, or my family… or anyone else.
15. Is it hard?
yes. and no. For me, the difficult aspects are:

  •       not being able to discuss details, post details about or post pictures of our Squish. It’s for his own protection and privacy, but SO difficult for me to control myself. I am, after all, a mom paparazzi.  There’s a small part of me that is worried his little newborn brain is sensing that there are 10 billion photos of Charlotte posted and zero of him. Of course, that’s crazy talk. His newborn brain processes eat + sleep + poop right now. However, I have been diligently taking pictures of him and recording important milestones,  just as I would for my own baby ,and saving them for his scrapbook. Those memories are important. For whomever he will spend forever with, and most importantly for him when he grows older. I haven’t been able to help myself completely refrain from posting a few snapshots of him, but have been very careful to not show anything identifying.

1239581_730633168548_907100571_n
625541_734784858528_1501130108_n

  • Not knowing when you will be called to take a foster child, and then how long they will stay with you. Sometimes a case worker knows in advance that they will most likely be removing children on a certain day. Other times an emergency removal is done. In that instance you may be called in the morning and have a kiddo/kiddos in your home within a few hours {or sooner, as ours was. We had a squish in our home 4 hours after getting a call}. The length of time depends on the circumstances surrounding the removal and the needs of the child, birth parents, and other family members.
  • The addition of another life into anyone’s home adds some strain. Less sleep, less space, less time. It’s easy to feel run-down. It’s easy to lose patience with your hubby or wife. Most people won’t be able to simply take in another human and continue on with life as they know it. Things have to change. Your schedule will change, your free time will change. I have not been on top of laundry for a month {there has always been a load in the washer or dryer}, I have only been in my craft room one time in the past month, I am not able to take Charlotte to her Little Gym classes as often as I would like, my commute to and from work is now an hour, I have had to miss out on activities that were previously planned or modify the way I participate in them {yesterday some friends and I were scheduled to volunteer at a thrift store to benefit an important family program in our community…. I still participated, but with Squish strapped to me in a wrap}, etc.
  • Being compassionate.  I will be the first to say, it is easy to love a baby. If I’m being totally honest, which I am… because this is my blog, then I can honestly say it’s not easy to love the parents who may have jeopardized their baby’s well being. However, I am trying my hardest to be nonjudgmental.

I don’t want to continue on and on because that would be boring, and I also don’t want to focus on these aspects of foster care, because “this too shall pass”. The sleepless nights will not last forever, but time we are investing in this little life will be lasting, and that should be the focus. Please feel free to message me any further questions you have regarding foster care.