Screen Time, and why we don't allow it.

Charlotte has discovered her sweet spot in the house – when standing in the far corner of the large back door she can look into our neighbor’s house and watch their 60 inch television ’til her heart’s content. Very sneaky kiddo, very sneaky. She is a bit starved for television these days now that she actually knows what it is, but Chris and I are standing firm with our goal of not letting her watch television until after her 2nd birthday. She’s already starting with the negotiations, though: “mommy, I watch tv… one minute”. I resist giving in to her little plea every time, and here’s why:
It’s no secret that our society today is driven by technology, and that doesn’t just apply to adults. I am constantly within arms reach of my phone and, as a result, it didn’t take Charlotte very long to recognize that phones were important. I don’t think there’s a child alive in the US that hasn’t seen a television, phone, iPad, or movie; I’d bet most kiddos encounter all of those numerous times a day. In the US, almost 90% of infants and toddlers are exposed to TV programs before they turn 2 and by age 3 almost 1/3 have a television in their room {source,source}. Frankly, that’s startling.
Now before I go any further I don’t want you to think I’m putting on my judgmental hat or that I sit here on my hoity toity throne dishing out advice I gained from all my awesome parenting experiences. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m new at this. I only have 1 child whom I have parented for all of 23 months so far {even less, since the first months are more about keeping the fresh baby alive and less about shaping them to become an awesome human being}.  I do, however, consider myself a kid professional: previously a preschool teacher, swim and gymnastics instructor, tutor, babysitter, and now a pediatric speech therapist.Please read this post in its entirety; I’m just like you, I skim through some blogs and form my opinion based on the phrases and power words I gleaned. I think this post may brush some nerves, though, and I don’t want someone walking away with the wrong idea. Parenting choices are always a difficult topic to approach, but I’m feeling quite brave tonight so let’s dive in.
I am so thankful I recently (about 2 years ago) stumbled upon several articles that offered some interesting information which confronted most of my previous assumptions about babies and toddlers watching television. Previously I was in the same mindset as most other parents out there: “TV is ok as long as the shows are educational”. I am writing this today, as both a mother and a pediatric speech language pathologist,  to provide you with the same information I stumbled across so you can then make your own educated decision.  I’m not quite sure how this research about television viewing and kids has not become part of the mainstream parenting mindset, other than that there may be some big corporations who make big money on children’s television programming at work keeping things under wraps. That, and the simple fact that television + children = quiet. Quiet means moms and dads and caregivers are able to do what they want or need to do without distraction. Quiet is good, tv quiet is really good and, I’m just going to come right out and say it…. quiet is easy. I’m sorry if that feels like a sucker punch, but it’s not like this is new information. Turning on the television to entertain a child is easy. Don’t be mad, really, I am not saying this to make anyone feel guilty. There are a million reasons why people let their children watch television/movies, and not all of them are selfish ‘because I need you kids to be quiet’ reasons. I have a feeling that some of you set your wee little babe in front of the tv simply because that’s what everyone else does. Or maybe you are just in the habit of keeping the tv on in the background all day for yourself? Let’s look at some research {I never thought I’d be saying that}.
When Charlie was still a fresh baby {maybe 1 month old?} I came across an article from the American Academy of Pediatrics recommending no television/movie time for children under the age of 2 (source). I was honestly really shocked. I mean, what about all those Baby Einstein videos?! Aren’t they for, ya know…. babies?  I was confused, so I did some more digging. As it turns out, there is quite a bit of research out there regarding the negative impact of television viewing and babies/toddlers. But not in the way you may think:

“Infants’ attraction to screens is driven by the visual-orienting reflex. Our brains our wired to respond to novelty, especially bright colors, loud sounds, and flashing lights. This is basically a startle reflex, and it accounts for why infants stare at video screens. It does not mean they are enjoying the stimulation- rather, they are slaves to their own reflexes and actually do not have the control to look away. This can actually be stressful to infants, and may have harmful effects on a developing brain that has not evolved to tolerate all this stimulation…”

{source}

So basically, if our babies are ‘captivated by’ a specific show, it truly has little to do with the content, and more to do with their little brain reflexes on overdrive. Their startle reflex is being triggered over and over and over again, their brain unable to relax or shut down. This has big implications for the success of a child’s brain development in those first few years of life. Several recent studies outline numerous negative effects of screen-time in babies and excessive screen-time in children: sleep problems, obesity, decreased ability to concentrate, delayed language acquisition, reduced creative play, reduced problem solving skills… and on and on (source, source).  The captivating reflex aside, research has not been able to support the idea that children under 2 glean information from shows deemed ‘educational’ (source), so even if it wasn’t harmful, it isn’ helpful either.

 Unstructured play time is more valuable for the developing brain than electronic media. Children learn to think creatively, problem solve, and develop reasoning and motor skills at early ages through unstructured, unplugged play. Free play also teaches them how to entertain themselves.

(source)

The American Academy of Pediatrics also recommends less than 2 hours a day of screen time for older children (source), since there is a negative correlation between the hours a child watches television and their reading skills (source). Regardless, the time a child spends watching television is time taken away from them engaging in other, more cognitive enriching activities.
I’ll be the first to say I haven’t parented long enough to see how this ‘no tv under age 2’ thing plays out when an older sibling is already allowed to watch television. I’d imagine it’s difficult, but I also know it can be done {i’ve experimented by borrowing my nephews, ages 7 and 4}. Here’s the thing about toddlers under age 2 – they nap. And it’s wonderful. Charlotte and I have gotten into a pretty good routine: she goes down for a nap, I grab a snack and turn on my guilty pleasure show {I can’t even bring myself to type it}, she wakes up, I turn off the television and go get her out of bed. It’s the perfect check and balance system because the beginning and end times for television are set and regulated by a tiny monster sleeping upstairs. Afternoons can’t be wasted away with me lying on a pile of unfolded laundry in front of the television. There is a small window of  opportunity for glorious tv viewing and once she wakes up it’s over. and sometimes it’s annoying {not gonna lie, sometimes I roll my eyes…. hard}. and there have been so many times I’ve just wanted to snuggle up on the couch and show her the Lion King and see her reaction to all the animals {the zebra seems to be her fav at the moment}. but I resist. mostly out of principle. I’ve made it 23 months without letting her watch television or movies. I can make it one more month. And once she is 2 we won’t let it be a TV free-for-all. We will continue to follow the guidelines recommended by the AAP {1-2 hours a day of high quality content only source), we may even offer less.
Now, you may be thinking that because I don’t let Charlotte watch television I probably have to lay on the floor and play with her all day long or she’d have nothing to do. but I don’t. I can’t. I would go mad. I have been very impressed with Charlotte’s development {her creative play, her ability to entertain herself, her ridiculous vocabulary, and mostly her language development}. I have seen the benefits of allowing free, unstructured play that requires creativity and active participation as opposed to the passive participation television requires of us. I also know that Charlotte has watched television under the care of other people {even my own husband admitted to letting her play a wildly stimulating alphabet game on his phone}. And that’s ok. And she has survived folks! But I’m calling all parents to truly think about what their child is gaining from television that they couldn’t gain from a conversation with us or play with a peer or even play by themselves…. the answer is nothing (and I know that because I’m a speech therapist. that’s what I do in life).
Since that was a ridiculously long post, here’s a recap:

  • AAP recommends no tv before age 2, after age 2 they recommend <2 hours a day of high-quality (read ‘educational’) programming
  • Any videos/shows geared towards babies are actually not best for baby
  • If your child seems ‘glued to the tv’ it’s because THEY ARE, thanks to a startling reflex triggered by the screen. aka: not good
  • Negative correlation (one incidence raises as the other lowers) between tv watching and reading skills, attention skills, ability to problem solve, creative play, and language acquisition.
  • Positive correlation (one raises, the other raises) between tv watching and obesity and sleep issues.
  • Not allowing Charlotte to watch television has helped curb my appetite for tv/movies (it’s not totally gone, but definitely diminished), and I am more productive throughout the day without TV being an option to distract me.
  • No television program/movie/app can deliver more educational/fundamental information for development than a warm, talking human being {at least while a kiddo is young. Once Charlotte starts asking me what the square root of 8,945 is or how many different types of kangaroos there are I’m sending her straight to the Discovery channel and a computer}

Are there ways you can begin implementing reduced television/movie/iPad/phone times in your home? Now is the best time to start; let’s not wait until more research comes to light in 10 years touting the negative effects of screen time on entire families. I think everyone can benefit from unplugging and connecting face to face.
mmmkay, are we still friends? Oh I hope so!

Popcorn + a lesson in love

So this happened in our house this week:
rose and Charlotte June 2014
I know, my heart exploded into a million happy pieces too.
We’ll call her Popcorn {since she devoured my entire supply}. She only stayed with us for the week but she and Charlie formed a quick bond, though it was more like a love-hate relationship with occasional jealous spurts when they both had their eyes on the same toy.
I am so glad I captured this moment. A moment of pure sweetness and friendship.
It is my hope that this image is a reflection of Charlotte’s character now, and in 2 years, and in 20 years.
I think one of my most important jobs on earth as a parent is to make sure Charlotte develops a deep love for the other people on this earth. After all, it is what Jesus tasked us with:
Love your neighbor as yourself. Mark 12:31
I love myself a lot, so that sets a pretty high standard for the amount of love I am to show towards others. Sometimes it’s easy to love people with an even greater love than I reserve for myself. I’d say most of the time, though, it’s hard to love other people. so dang hard.
Loving others. It’s simple to say, but impossible to carry out on our own. The only reason we can truly know love and show love is because Jesus showed it to us first {and he continues to show it every second of every day}.   I think the best way to have Charlotte learn and internalize that is to see it demonstrated in us, her parents. So we continue to try and focus our efforts and priorities so they point towards our creator, and only then will our actions truly reflect love towards others. It’s a process. It’s a daily choice. It’s so hard to keep our priorities centered. I don’t want to reflect on another year passed and find we had some priorities mixed up, but it’s so hard to do it on our own. I know we aren’t the only ones out there who struggle with priorities. Who are wondering if what they have filled their days and weeks with is stuff that actually matters. Do you struggle too? Here is a modified excerpt from a sermon I listened to recently:

When I run after God then I become the woman God intended me to be, that I was always meant to be. When I become the woman God meant for me to be then my husband gets a better wife, my kids get a better mom. I could run after/put my focus on only being a better wife, and my husband may get a better wife. I could focus on being a better mom, and my daughter may get a better mom. If I run after God, though, then my husband gets a better wife, and my daughter gets a better mom, and you get a better friend, and my boss gets a better employee…  Me running after God personally {internally} makes me a better woman publicly {externally}.

I love that and I am so thankful I was able to listen to that sermon and hear those truths. If you have the time {and if you say to yourself that you don’t have time I would recommend carving out some time}, listen to or watch this sermon series from Flatirons Church in Colorado: Unsinkable {the sermon the above quote is from is titled Rearranging Chairs on the Titanic}. It has helped me focus my priorities on things that last, instead of possessions, my career, or even keeping up with the Jones’ {who do those Jones’ think they are?!}. I hope my heart continues to change and become more compassionate towards others so that I can live by example for my daughter. I want her to grow up in an environment where compassion and selflessness are the norm, instead of the opposing message most of the world has to offer.
Who’s with me?! {raises fist in the air}
also, pray for Popcorn.
 

Month 3: Clothing {update 5}

May is over. If I had to use one word to sum up this month of my self-reduction project it would be EFFORTFUL. If you are just joining me and have no idea what I’m referring to you can read about my ‘project 7’ here.  If you need a refresher on this particular month {as if you could have forgotten with me rambling on and on about my lack of clothing options} you can read about that here.
So far, the other months in my 7 experiment have been difficult in an emotional ‘I prefer to keep things the way they are’ kind of way. Reducing the number of possessions I had or the amount of money I spent during those months required self-control and really just letting go of the widespread ‘have everything’ mentality I was clinging to. Wearing only 7 pieces of clothing, though, has definitely been more time consuming and actually more work than I anticipated. I really thought this month would provide me with a few extra moments in my day, since I didn’t have the option to stand around and hem and haw about what I was in the mood to wear each morning. Those few extra moments were taken up by trying to get my 7 pieces of clothing washed and dried before the next day; sometimes that meant tossing them in the wash at 10pm and setting my alarm for midnight so I could run down and toss them in the dryer – snap, that’s commitment y’all!
Also, now that the month is over I have a strong urge to burn my 7 pieces. I’ve resisted so far, because those pieces are some of my favorites and I think if I make a rash decision I will regret it in a few weeks when I look into my closet and ‘have nothing to wear’.
images-17
I learned a few things about myself and about my clothing this month:
1. I really love wearing pretty things. I guess now I appreciate the value of having something pretty to wear – it boosts confidence and self-esteem. I felt less comfortable, less confident, less secure throughout the month simply because I felt ‘blah’ in my clothing. I don’t think that is necessarily a reflection of my priorities being misplaced on my appearances, though. Let’s face it, I’m a mom. More often than not I sport a schmear of snot that has been lovingly wiped on my shoulder. Sometimes it stays there, not because I don’t have time to change, but because I choose to use those times for something else. I’d say in the grand scheme of things I am usually not focused on my appearances, but even so I felt as if my personality was completely stifled during this month.  Having pretty things doesn’t have to be expensive, though – I am definitely not advocating spending money and filling your closet with more things {we’ve been over that in months 1 and 2, stay strong people}! But I do want to take this chance to promote a wonderful place to buy beautiful things for yourself or others that also has a beautiful mission: Noonday Collection.  hugs all around for beautiful things.
2. Even though I severely reduced my clothing stash during month 1 of my self-reduction project my closet and dresser were still in a ridiculously full state. It’s like my clothing experiences mitosis through the night and when I wake up there are pieces in my closet I’ve never seen before. Did I buy that? This one still has tags! Surely this is occurring through some scientific voodoo and not simply because I am a clothing addict, always looking for a fix. TJMaxx anyone? After seeing how I was able to survive life with only a few garments, I revisited my clothing and made some tough decisions. I am happy to announce that I have reduced my clothing by almost 1/2 {again} and will probably be able to reduce things a little more once I get my precious, sweet, energizer bunny of a daughter to end her angry teething toddler rampages.
3. My priorities are changing. My heart is changing. and yet, I still think to myself every day:
4b91a568c65126567ee63586dac57ad5
 
anyone else suffer from that?

Month 3: Clothing {update 4}

So it’s day 25 of my month-long attempt to wear only 7 pieces of clothing. If you’re thinking that sounds crazy, you’re absolutely right, and you can read about all the sordid details here.
At this point I’m feeling a bit ripe. Now don’t read too much into that… I swear I have been washing these clothes like usual. There’s just something about wearing the same things over and over, regardless of how clean they are. I chose my 7 articles on May 1st after days of careful consideration. I chose those 7 because they were practical, gave me the most flexibility with weather changes, and mostly they were just some of my favorite pieces. Well, not any more. I am really starting to loathe those horrid green running shorts. And black scrubs at work every day? BORING! also they pick up lint. oh the lint!
In general I have ‘kept to the code’, but just as in the pirate world, I’d say these rules are more like guidelines.
pirates_of_the_caribbean_015
 
 
I wish I could say I was enduring this exercise in self-reduction flawlessly….but let’s be real here – I have definitely cheated on more than one occasion and, ready for even more brutal honesty? I don’t feel bad about it! Not even one bit. In general, I’ve been  able to follow the guidelines fairly easily, but I’ve made a few additions to the 7 pieces.
If you recall, my articles of clothing for month 3 were:
1) Dark wash skinny jeans
2) aqua running shorts green running shorts {still haven’t found those original shorts…. how can they just disappear?}
3) Grey V-neck short sleeve shirt
4) Flowy white sleeveless shirt
5) black scrubs
6) A formal dress {+ shoes and jewelry to go with it for 2 weddings this month} – aka cheat day, wink wink.
7) 2 pairs of shoes that count as 1 item: brown flip-flops and black sneakers.
Somewhere along the way I added a pair of brown shorts and a black tank top to those pieces, bringing my total to 8 items.
This is pretty much what I have worn every single day this month (aside from my scrubs on work days):
month3 clothing
I did end up going to the beach twice this month and decided that wearing my bathing suit didn’t count as another item; it is, after all, practically an undergarment. so doesn’t count.
Only a few more days until this month is over. hallelujahpraisetheLord.  I miss my jewelry. I miss my shoes. I miss just being able to choose what I want to wear based on how I’m feeling. I am very much an emotional garment chooser. This month I have gained a new appreciation for the beautiful items hanging in my closet and am excited to be able to express my personality through them once again. oy, I am praying that I continue to realize I can survive with less…. clothing may be the death of me.
Updates on the rest of our recent family activities will be coming soon, if I can stop watching episodes of Bones long enough to get my to-do list accomplished.