The past few days have been difficult for me. emotionally. I don’t like being emotional, but I really have no say in the matter. I’ve been a weepy soul since day one on this earth, though, and I’m sure my mom can attest to that. I cry when I’m _____ (you can fill in the blank with any emotion, really).
Friday my kidney doctor called with my biopsy results. They weren’t great. As it turns out I DO have cysts in my kidneys and a condition called Medullary Cystic Kidney Disease. As many of you know, my mom was diagnosed with Polycystic Kidney Disease several years ago and had a kidney transplant two years ago {thanks to an amazing woman named Cathy who donated one of hers}. After Charlotte’s birth and the whole postpartum hypertension debacle I had an ultrasound done on my kidneys in order to figure out why they weren’t functioning properly. No cysts were found, so Polycystic Kidney Disease was ruled out. Whew… a big relief. That still left a big ‘ol question mark as to the reason behind my kidney failure, though, so two weeks ago I had a kidney biopsy done to dig deeper (literally) into what was going on. Smaller cysts were found (very un-Polycystic like) so I was given a diagnosis of MKD instead. My doctor (who is also my mother’s doctor) reviewed her old charts and came to the conclusion that she most likely had Medullary Cystic Kidney disease as well, instead of her previous diagnosis of Polycystic. I know, this is all very confusing. Regardless of the name, both diseases progress very similarly and almost always end up in end-stage renal failure (that means your kidneys pretty much stop working) and the patient requires dialysis and/or a kidney transplant. That’s the bad news.
The good news?  God was not surprised by this. I was, He wasn’t. He has given me a mother who has demonstrated for me an amazing example of clean, healthy living and shown me how successful a transplant can be. I know I will not have to deal with this alone. Also, God is more powerful than any earthly medicine.  I am thankful that he has created many men and women with genius level intelligence to discover new breakthroughs in medicine each year.  I know God will work a miracle in my life and heal my body, whether it is by making this disappear or simply by providing me with a new kidney…. or some other solution only God knows and I cannot fathom at the moment because my brain is just too small. Just today this verse in Psalms crossed my path:

“You are the God who performs great miracles” – Psalms 77:14

Truth.

Please pray for Charlotte. This is an inherited disorder, and as she is the perfect compilation of half of me and half of Chris, there is a 50% chance she could have MKD as well. Pray that she inherited my perfectly crazy hair and not my imperfectly crazy kidney.

When I said I was emotional and weepy before, don’t mistake that for ‘sad’. I’m not sad. I’m not really even worried because there’s nothing that can be done at this time anyway. I’m more overwhelmed with all the things currently going on in my life. When you are presented with life changing news, it makes you think. Am I spending my time wisely? Am I spending my time for God or for me? Also, Chris and I have been discussing whether or not we want to have more children. As in ‘make more babies’…. of course we will have more children, whenever God decides to bring them to us. Deciding to not have any more biological children is a very difficult decision. and private… but I don’t really do private {obviously, because I am posting this on the internet for all to see}. The health risk for me is just too high and unknown at this time. I think that is why I am weepy right now. I love kids. I love being a mom. and I know I am blessed to even have been able to bring a baby into this world. I am thankful beyond words for that experience because I know so many women who have not yet or will not be able to experience that. I can’t quite put my finger on why making this decision makes me sad, particularly since Chris and I are committed to fostering and adopting. Again, God is the comforter and I know God’s plan for our family is beyond my comprehension. This verse is always on my mind and I am so thankful for these words.

Also… just to make this post super duper long and sappy and emotional, if you haven’t heard this song or really anything from the band All Sons and Daughters… just do it. the music, the words, the voices. all of it is so beautiful.
All the poor and powerless
And all the lost and lonely
And all the thieves will come confess
And know that You are holy
And know that You are holy
And all will sing out hallelujah
And we will cry out hallelujah
All the hearts who are content
And all who feel unworthy
And all who hurt with nothin’ left
Will know that You are holy
Shout it
Go on and scream it from the mountains
Go on and tell it to the masses
That He is God