Parenting

- Oh Happy Daze

Dos and Don'ts

There are quite a few things I’ve been dealing with lately. I consider myself an ‘open book’ in general but sometimes there are things swirling though my mind that I can’t quite grasp, and certainly not tight enough to be able to attach words to them in order to share them with you.
I’ve been feeling really run-down lately. We’ve chatted about my difficulty saying ‘no’ to things before, and I’m pretty much the worst rehab patient when it comes to that. Backslidden is my middle name. I’ll say no to things and activities for, um, maybe a weekend before I continue to pile things on. It’s a sickness, I tell ya! And honestly, I can’t tell you anything specific that is ‘too much’. I’ve been doing it all. But what is lacking is ‘me time’. No time for me to read, or bake {on rare occasion}, or craft, or paint my nails, or shave my legs {I went 2 weeks recently}, or organize this closet, or donate those toys. And that makes my house look like a hoarder house again. and it makes me feel both physically and emotionally run-down. The kind of run-down that a good afternoon nap can’t fix.
God chose these months of my life to help me learn some pretty important things about myself, though. I have been struggling lately with pregnancy jealousy. I am so ready to have another baby, but we aren’t going to and that makes me really sad sometimes. Remember my kidney disease issue? We’ve been advised by my kidney doctor of all the risks associated for both me and potential baby should we try for another. “I don’t really tell people not to have more children, but you shouldn’t have more children, but I don’t really tell people….just…no”. So we made the decision to grow our family in other ways, whatever they may be. That didn”t stop me from having those jealous feelings, though. I have several friends {including my sister!!} who are expecting right now and I found myself craving that. I certainly wasn’t jealous of the nausea, and swelling, and all the other icky things that happen to you that nobody ever writes down. I was jealous of the excitement, the anticipation, and the pride that goes along with carrying and delivering life. Sometimes it’s hard for me to control those types of deep-seated gut feelings that rear their ugly head. God has been working on changing my perspective, though, and I have truly found a place of contentment which I had been missing previously. I had to put our foster care “status” on hold for a few months and that was a really tough decision, but definitely something we needed to do for the summer {I am watching my friend Tiffany’s son Gavin while she works and there’s no way I can fit 3 carseats across in my Rav4, though not for lack of trying}. Each time we take in a foster kiddo for respite {temporary care} it is really wonderful and I absolutely love doing that; but lately there has been a sense of relief in me when it is over and we go back to having just Charlotte. Just Charlotte is easy, and fun, and flexible. Just Charlotte means longer periods during the day to get XYandZ finished. I know you mother’s of 2+ children know exactly what I’m talking about. That feeling of relief I get tells me that everything I’ve got going on right now is too much, and I need to take a step back and make some choices.
I recently read something with a few girlfriends that has really resonated with me:

“It’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard, she said, is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.”  
         – Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way

We were encouraged to look at the things we do, and the things we don’t do. There are a lot of things I am doing right now, which means there are some things I need to not do in order to keep my focus on those in the do column. Right now, in these few months of hecticness and life, I need to not do more children. I always thought I would have a lot of kiddos. And I probably still will down the road, but right now in this moment it’s just Charlotte and I’m content. content and thankful. So so thankful for what I have because as many friends as I have who are expecting, I have the same number of friends who are struggling with infertility. and my heart hurts for what they are experiencing.
There are so many things contributing to my ‘rundown-ness’ lately, I need to re-assess my list of ‘I do’  and  ‘I don’t do’. 

“Deciding what I wanted wasn’t that hard. But deciding what I’m willing to give up for those things is like yoga for your superego, stretching and pushing and ultimately healing that nasty little person inside of you who exists only for what people think”
– Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet

Things I do:
I do keep my daughter fed and clothed {most days}. I give 100% while I am at work and need to move some more things over to the “don’t” column so I can give 100% to my husband while I am at home too. I host a community group and a women’s group in my home {both of which are essential to my survival}. I babysit the sweetest little 5 month old, sometimes I iron my husband’s shirts, and once I wore only 7 pieces of clothing for a whole month. I write and I enjoy writing. I sew things {not very well, but i’m learning}. I try to live out Mark 12:30 -31 {paraphrased: Love God, love others}.
Things I don’t do:
Right now I don’t do more than 1 kiddo. I don’t write in my daughter’s baby book, or keep her artwork {it goes right in the trash}. I don’t run charity races for work. I don’t cook. I haven’t painted over the sloppy paint job on my baseboards {and I won’t}. I don’t get my hair cut sooner than 6 months since the last cut. I don’t need a spotless house, and I need to stop apologizing for that. I don’t tend my veggie garden weekly {meh, it is what it is}.
What are on your do and do not lists?

- Oh Happy Daze

Popcorn + a lesson in love

So this happened in our house this week:
rose and Charlotte June 2014
I know, my heart exploded into a million happy pieces too.
We’ll call her Popcorn {since she devoured my entire supply}. She only stayed with us for the week but she and Charlie formed a quick bond, though it was more like a love-hate relationship with occasional jealous spurts when they both had their eyes on the same toy.
I am so glad I captured this moment. A moment of pure sweetness and friendship.
It is my hope that this image is a reflection of Charlotte’s character now, and in 2 years, and in 20 years.
I think one of my most important jobs on earth as a parent is to make sure Charlotte develops a deep love for the other people on this earth. After all, it is what Jesus tasked us with:
Love your neighbor as yourself. Mark 12:31
I love myself a lot, so that sets a pretty high standard for the amount of love I am to show towards others. Sometimes it’s easy to love people with an even greater love than I reserve for myself. I’d say most of the time, though, it’s hard to love other people. so dang hard.
Loving others. It’s simple to say, but impossible to carry out on our own. The only reason we can truly know love and show love is because Jesus showed it to us first {and he continues to show it every second of every day}.   I think the best way to have Charlotte learn and internalize that is to see it demonstrated in us, her parents. So we continue to try and focus our efforts and priorities so they point towards our creator, and only then will our actions truly reflect love towards others. It’s a process. It’s a daily choice. It’s so hard to keep our priorities centered. I don’t want to reflect on another year passed and find we had some priorities mixed up, but it’s so hard to do it on our own. I know we aren’t the only ones out there who struggle with priorities. Who are wondering if what they have filled their days and weeks with is stuff that actually matters. Do you struggle too? Here is a modified excerpt from a sermon I listened to recently:

When I run after God then I become the woman God intended me to be, that I was always meant to be. When I become the woman God meant for me to be then my husband gets a better wife, my kids get a better mom. I could run after/put my focus on only being a better wife, and my husband may get a better wife. I could focus on being a better mom, and my daughter may get a better mom. If I run after God, though, then my husband gets a better wife, and my daughter gets a better mom, and you get a better friend, and my boss gets a better employee…  Me running after God personally {internally} makes me a better woman publicly {externally}.

I love that and I am so thankful I was able to listen to that sermon and hear those truths. If you have the time {and if you say to yourself that you don’t have time I would recommend carving out some time}, listen to or watch this sermon series from Flatirons Church in Colorado: Unsinkable {the sermon the above quote is from is titled Rearranging Chairs on the Titanic}. It has helped me focus my priorities on things that last, instead of possessions, my career, or even keeping up with the Jones’ {who do those Jones’ think they are?!}. I hope my heart continues to change and become more compassionate towards others so that I can live by example for my daughter. I want her to grow up in an environment where compassion and selflessness are the norm, instead of the opposing message most of the world has to offer.
Who’s with me?! {raises fist in the air}
also, pray for Popcorn.
 

- Oh Happy Daze

Boo to winter!

There are many reasons why winter is the yuckiest of all the seasons. I won’t dive into all of them right now {we all know the depths of its yuckiness anyway}; Instead, i’ll just continue to intimidate the weather with this chant and hopefully coax out more sunny, warm weather – “Heck no, stop that snow!”
In order to remain positive and uplifting I will skip over all the things I hate about cold weather and, instead, explain to you all of the wonderful things about warm weather {since you’ve been dying to know}.
1. I no longer have to take Charlotte’s big puffy coat off before buckling her into her carseat. Such a time waster {though a necessity – read what The Carseat Lady, along with other researchers, have to say about it}. It is just really annoying to put a coat on, walk to the car, take the coat off, buckle her in, lay the coat over top, drive, unbuckle, coat back on, etc. Most of the time I would just drape the coat over her like a blanket instead of putting it on her for the short walk to the car. I can’t imagine doing that with more than 1 child.
2. I’ve missed seeing Charlotte’s rolls. She has very few, but the few she does sport have been hidden under bulky winter clothes for too long. I am excited to see them and to be able to smooch on them whenever I want, since she is becoming less and less babyish evert month! Here she is at the end of summer last year; I can’t get enough of those baby rompers… they will probably be her stable garment this summer if I can get my hands on some.
IMG_5171
3. The beach. That’s pretty self explanatory. The beach, and waves, and sun.
4. Grilling out. Yes you can use a grill in winter, but who really wants to?!
5. Not scraping frost/snow/sleet off your car in the morning or spending the first few minutes of your drive like a popsicle. First world problem, I know, but something I dread all winter long.
6. Being able to spend all day outside. We definitely have cabin fever here in the Baker home. I’ve exhausted my “how to entertain a toddler” links on Pinterest, from pompom sorting to a DIY ball pit… so I’m ready to just be able to let her run outside and explore!
spring play collage
 
What are you looking forward to this summer?

- admin

I'm in time-out.

2013-10-14 15.53.55

Well, it happened.
Chris put me in time-out. He made me pack up the laptop and drive to Panera to order something yummy while I sat at the computer to finish the previous post on fostering. He didn’t give me a choice. I don’t know if you all have a husband like that? One who is forcefully generous and compassionate? It’s really annoying. How dare he.
Maybe it was the barking dog. or the crying baby. or the other crying baby. or the zombie feeling from not getting enough sleep. or the to-do list running through my head {get pictures developed, find child care, make eye appointment, return library books. seriously, return library books. no time to write it on the to-do list}. or maybe it was the indigestion. or the 20 toddler books scattered on the floor. or thread unraveling the sleeve of my favorite shirt.
it could have been any one of those things that did me in. regardless, there I was, standing over the washing machine with ‘poop hands’ {I had just finished cleaning some of Charlotte’s cloth diapers}, crying and yammering on to Chris about how I’d only been able to write ONE line in my blog post in the past FOUR hours of trying to finish it.
Sad, right? It happens to us all, so don’t feel bad if you cried over ‘poop hands’ today too.
As soon as I’d gotten the tears out I felt exponentially better. It’s a halloween miracle! but Chris was set in his decision. I still feel a bit guilty, leaving him alone in the same house that brought me to the breaking point. Thank you God for giving me this husband to ‘do life’ with. There is no one better.