Words to live by

- Oh Happy Daze

My home team, at it again.

It’s 10pm. My bedtime. But I know I won’t be able to sleep without getting this out into the world first.
I’ve always loved this excerpt from a favorite book of mine, Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. The book itself is like a great big bear hug, squishing you and comforting you, and ensuring you know you’re not alone in this life. But this paragraph has always stood out to me.
Home team

(from Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist)

But it doesn’t just speak to me; it’s shouting. And I think that’s because, deep down, this is exactly what we all want. What we NEED. We want a tribe. We want people we can depend on. We want a home team.
My home team came through for me again today. Uninvited, as usual. They just showed up in the flesh, and through the mail, and through a text. Entering into my day, taking over like they’re the boss {and let’s face it, they sometimes are}.
My mom texted me last night to ask if I wanted help with the kiddos today so I could focus on organizing and purging without interruptions from the littles. She came over, brought lunch, folded clothes, changed diapers, washed dishes and entertained both kiddos while somehow also keeping me on task with what I was doing and managing a few sorting and organizing jobs of her own. I swear she has super powers. Then she and my dad treated us to dinner. You’re never too old to rely on your parents. Never.
AND at some point in the midst of my crazy whirlwind purging this afternoon I got a text from my BFFAEA {best friend forever and ever amen} who lives out of state telling me to “check the mail *wink wink*”. Y’all she surprised me with this muslin bison blanket I’ve been obsessing over for Peep and the sweetest note. My eyes are leaking again just thinking about it. I can’t handle the kindness. It’s too much.

 
THEN I got a text from my other BFFAEA {seriously, she will be my friend forever; she knows too much} asking me about the gym. We go every week {*cough cough* though one of us is more dedicated than the other}, so this text was nothing new. It just served to remind me that she is one of my people. She’s there. She pushes me. She checks up on me. And I depend on her. I depend on all three of these women. They are part of my home team.
A few months back I posted about another time my home team showed up for me. I still stand behind these words:
“People need people. I hope you have people; but if you don’t, the first step is to strive to become the home team for others. You bring the coffee. You wash the dish.  You change the diaper. You send the text to check up on someone to make sure they’re surviving. You ask “how can I help?”. Before you know it, you’ve got a stellar home team to call on when you need them.”
Today, I worked my butt off going through things and making tough decisions about what to get rid of and what to keep. I swept, I mopped, I changed laundry over. I worked. But at the end of the day, what’s at the forefront of my mind isn’t how taxing it was or how annoying it is that I’ll just have to sweep the floor again tomorrow. All I can think of is how thankful I am for my home team. How amazing God is for putting these women in my life to take care of me. To love on me and tend to me when I’m lagging behind and needing a hand. I checked things off my to-do list, I had a gigantic lemonade from Chik-fil-a, I got a sweet present in the mail accompanied by an even sweeter note, I ate biscuits from Cracker Barrel {which are essentially crack}, and I got an “I’ll be back to help again tomorrow” from my mama.
God, open my eyes to all the opportunities you give me to come through as a someone else’s home team.
Xoxo,
Ashley

- Oh Happy Daze

Content to linger.

I’ve been struggling to find the words to describe this season I’m pushing through right now. A close friend of mine shared her goals and perspective for the year with me and she used the phrase “content to linger” which she came across in the book of Isaiah.

      We’re in no hurry, God.
      We’re content to linger in the path sign-posted with your decisions.
      Isaiah 26:8 (The Message)

Other versions use the phrase ‘we wait for You’.
I’m struggling to linger and wait for what God has next for us. I’m hungry for the next stage. The next step. The next task.
Something I hear all the time from others is “You are awesome for being foster parents”. I never know what to say to that, because…. well,  it doesn’t feel like I’m being awesome. To me, it feels like “not enough”. There is so much more to be done, and for the time being we can’t do much more. We’ve had to say ‘no’ when we get the call for a placement, while my heart is screaming ‘yes’.
I know this season won’t last forever and I am trusting that God has a complete knowledge of each child and each need and will time things perfectly for when we are once again able to say ‘yes’ to a placement.
Until then, we will provide respite and take emergency/short term placements.
We will continue to educate and share our experiences and encourage others to seek ways to walk on their own fostering adventure.
We will focus on Peep and his needs. We are his family, his advocates, his champions, and he needs us now more than ever as he grows and faces some developmental challenges.
20161228_091301
I’m not minimizing what we are doing. We are doing good things for the children who come into our home. And it is hard work. But once you take the blinders off and make yourself aware of the needs of those around you, you can’t un-see them and you won’t ever be able to say “I’ve done enough”. No matter how many littles have passed through our home, no matter that we are a permanent stop for Peep, it’s not enough. There are still kiddos out there who need safety. security. a clean bed. warm clothes. kind words. a gentle touch. an advocate for them.
Are you like me? Are you struggling to wait in this season you’re in? Pray for the ability to linger. To move only when God nudges. There is a reason you are where you are in this moment.
Xoxo,
Ashley
 
 
 
 

- Oh Happy Daze

The F Word.

Lol, made you click. Since you’re already here, let’s chat about the F word that always makes me cringe a little inside: Fast. The ‘fast’ I’m referring to is the biblical concept of voluntarily doing without {typically food} for the sake of honing your focus on God and his spiritual provision.
It’s such a churchy word, don’t you think? To the average non-Jesus following person, mentioning ‘fasting’ takes the religious conversation from tolerable to NOPE in about .5 seconds. Most likely because the concept of doing without is counter-cultural, especially for Americans. Most of us don’t have to do without…. so we don’t.  Also, the concept of self -sacrifice and going without {food especially} dances along the lines of some cult cultures we know about and condemn. Not eating and even the word ‘sacrifice’ just seems weird to most of us. But I want to share with you that biblical fasting is good and wise and not reserved for any special ‘level’ of Christianity {there are no levels, by the way, and if anyone tells you there are… run the other way}.  Fasting is for anyone who loves God and wants more of him.
usually-the-things
Fasting must be specific to each individual because the topic of the fast has to be meaningful for that person, otherwise the fast won’t be effective.  A food fast is good for everyone, really, because food is meaningful to all of us. If I were to choose to fast from television it wouldn’t be an effective fast for me because I watch very little television as it is, and could definitely go without it and not miss it. My response to a TV fast would be “meh”. Reducing my possessions is difficult for me, though, and is a true sacrifice, but might not be the right fast for someone else – like my husband, for example, who is not your typical American consumer and could care less about his clothing options or whether or not we have a cute vase on the table…. weirdo. It took him 5 minutes to toss 1/3 of his wardrobe into the donate bag without a single moment of angst or a second glance. Meanwhile, I’ve been working on my own closet for weeks and have had to take frequent mental health breaks to preserve my emotional well being. Because I love my stuff. I love my clothes. I love the pretty things in my home. They make me feel good, but if I’m honest with myself, they are burying me! There is such a things as too much good. Keeping clothes that make you feel confident and keeping things in your home that help it feel peaceful and comfortable and full of love is not bad. Those are good things. However, when it becomes excessive it is actually sin. It’s unhealthy. It consumes my time {because I spend so much more time cleaning and organizing and putting away all the things}. It consumes my patience {because I can’t ever find the thing I’m looking for amongst the other things}. It consumes my rest {because I can’t take my focus away from my to-do list long enough to be quiet in reading or prayer}. It consumes my control over my emotions {because I get easily upset over the loss of a thing when it gets broken or ruined, and my immediate reaction is not one of grace and love and forgiveness}.
I don’t want to be consumed.

“Don’t hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or worse – stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it’s safe from moth and rust and burglars. It’s obvious, isn’t it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.”

Matthew 6:19-21

So, this month I’m participating in a fast from possessions. You can read more about it here. I’m taking a purposeful look at the stuff in my home and severely paring down. Are you living in excess too? Many of us are experts in excess. We expertly and excessively consume ______ {expensive coffee, fast food, clothing, shoes, Facebook/Reddit/Pinterest/Twitter/other social media I’m not cool enough to know about, pretty trinkets, cars, Netflix shows, purses… fill in the blank with wherever your time and paychecks and go}.

“As Jesus explained it, the right things have to die so the right things can live – we die to selfishness, greed, power, accumulation, prestige, and self-preservation, giving life to community, generosity, compassion, mercy, brotherhood, kindness, and love. The gospel will die in the toxic soil of self.”
– Jen Hatmaker, 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess

Join me?
Xoxo,
Ashley
 

- Oh Happy Daze

Home Team

I’ve had a ‘good cry’ coming on for a few weeks now. Ever since I heard one of my closest friends is moving away in a few weeks. Today I just couldn’t hold those wet, soggy sniffles back anymore. Maybe it was the lack of sleep from snuggling a sick Peep all night, or I could possibly blame the tears on raging hormones {that’s pretty much always a given}…. but for sure it was today’s blatant reminder of what I am about to lose when she moves away. This morning she came over, dropped an iced coffee into my hand, snagged my almost 4 year old and dragged her along on their errands for the entire day so I could focus on snuggling my sick Peep, catch up on laundry, and maybe wash some dishes in peace.
20160712_101311
She did this for me when she’s preparing to MOVE in 3 weeks.
Y’all, that is a GOOD friend.
Not just a friend, but a member of my home team. my tribe. she is one of my people.
Home team

(from Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist)

 
Change is hard for me…. like most humans, I’m certain. I know she and I will stay friends, but our friendship has no choice but to change, with 400 miles coming between us and our “let’s get the kids together so we can drink coffee and craft” days. We are the queens of mommy play-dates.
I’m contemplating laying in front of their moving truck when the day comes. Or at least slashing the tires to delay them a bit. Too much?
I’m feeling rather selfish and sad for myself because I’m losing someone I rely on regularly to just be there and somehow always be a step ahead of me in planning… anything {I seem to attract friends who literally GET ME THROUGH LIFE… or maybe I actually stalk them and just don’t give them a choice to leave me}. It’s hard to have a level 10 friend move away. They are difficult to replace. Not just anyone can step into that role. They are the ones that can invite themselves into your fridge and you don’t have to cringe at the thought of them finding something that isn’t food anymore. They are the ones that are paying attention to your kids at the park even when you aren’t. They are the ones that tell you straight up you need to tend to your unibrow. Though I’m sad, I’m also super happy for her and her awesome family and what’s ahead for them. New state. New home. New {chokes on sob} mommy play-date friends.
I know she’ll always be a part of my home team since, like she puts it, “it’s only a 6 hour drive”. And I’m sure she’ll still tell me straight up to get my brows cleaned up, regardless of the distance.  I’m thankful not just for her but for all the other members of my tribe too. Our home team is so essential to our family. We just can’t survive without you guys, even those that help in the most small ways. Those small acts {like bringing a coffee, or washing a dish, even distracting a child so some other task can be completed} add up to great love for our family. You keep our marriage strong. You help us keep our home open to the foster care needs in this area. You help us become better parents.  God has provided us with awesome people and it’s so important to our family to pursue being a home team for others. People need people. I hope you have people; but if you don’t, the first step is to strive to become the home team for others. You bring the coffee. You wash the dish.  You change the diaper. You send the text to check up on someone to make sure they’re surviving. You ask “how can I help?”. Before you know it, you’ve got a stellar home team to call on when you need them.