February 3, 2018 - Oh Happy Daze

Getting my life back together.

Y’all. This week has been so good.
On Sunday my best mate Jessica drove down from PA to essentially help me get my life back together. Thanks to the crazy adventures in December and early January this year {Christmas kidney transplant, New Years surgery recovery, and Snowpocalypse resulting in school being cancelled for one thousand days} our home was a hot mess. It was as if every surface in every room had turned into that one chair that everyone has in their room where they pile clothing for 3 weeks before tossing it all in the wash. Add to that the fact that the kids still live here every day and don’t show signs of moving out any time soon. We had quite a challenge to tackle. Fortunately for us, my mom has been coming over frequently to help keep our home livable and essentially manage my life since I can’t adult right now. Also, Jess is superwoman and has a special skill called ‘get it done’. My house is now manageable again thanks to the two of them! More than Jess helping with cleaning and organizing, I just so needed to be near her. She’s one of my people, and as such helps me heal just by sitting with me on the couch while we stuff our faces with ice cream and send funny memes to each other from one foot away. She also waxed my eyebrows for me because she doesn’t want to be seen in public with Chewbacca. also maybe because she loves me and wants me to be my best self. We’ll never know, but they do look fabulous.

We also went on a ‘quick’ {lol} Hobby Lobby adventure with Kelsy Lee {aka kidney sister} and Tiffany {my fitness guru and the reason I ever finished grad school}. I didn’t buy allthethings. Thank you Jesus for self control. Also to Chris for putting the fear of God into me regarding my medical bills. I keep forgetting about those little nuisances. Can’t a girl celebrate her new kidney and new life with some retail therapy at the crafting superstore?! Apparently not, because we also have to pay the heating and electricity bills. buzzkill.

Then this weekend Chris and I got to hang out with other leaders at our church. It was so fun and so needed. I’ve been in hiding for over a month now, avoiding public places because people are germy and germs mean bad news for someone who is immunocompromised. also ew. I was hesitant to go, because germs, but also because of my issues with being prickly lately {read about my Prednisone rage struggles here}. In the end I decided I really needed to try to get out of my hibernation cave and maybe even put on some real clothing. And by ‘real clothing’ I mean tunic tops and yoga pants with the waist pulled all the way up my torso, because a waistband rubbing against my incision ain’t happening. Maybe I should resort to a dress that doesn’t rub against any of my skin. Does this come in my size Lady Gaga?

And quick question, are the body guards included? I need some protection from the huggers and high-fivers out there.
In the end, Chris allowed me to venture out of the house and into the masses. I’ve been starved for real worship and connection with my tribe. There’s no substitute for getting together with others who love God too and want more of His goodness and grace and love in their lives. Unreserved praise, immersion in learning, growing as leaders. It was epic.

{This weekend’s activities made possible by: Thieves essential oils in the air/on the skin/up the nose, as well as my own pillow and blanket, and cleaning wipes on every surface in that hotel room. I ain’t messing around.}

I needed this weekend. As of right now, one month into 2018, I’ve failed on so many fronts. I honestly have this nagging push that I need to be taking on even more things right now. Yet most of my ‘goals’ are still at square one and I want to scratch them off the list completely so I don’t have to worry about failing at them. Seems safer to not even try. Being lovely is so hard y’all. I quit.
Just kidding. All I DO IS WIN. But for real, I left this weekend’s event with a renewed focus. It’s so easy for me to beat myself up right now because I feel like I’m not doing enough, that I am not enough because I am in this season of rest and healing and being slow and healthy {ugh, like a sloth or something}. And I find myself keeping a running list of all the things I’m not doing. Guess what y’all? We can’t all do all things and hallelujahpraiseGod he made us all different so we CAN’T all do ALL THE THINGS. If I’m striving to add something to my plate because I see another woman excelling with that particular bit of life and I want it for myself I am going to miss out on something awesome God really wanted for me. I don’t want to be distracted by things that are not for me. I want to focus on lovely and I can’t do that by adding additional things to my ‘list’; that’s just asking for failure. Instead I’m focusing on unclenching my fist around the worry and comparison I so easily cling to. I’m reducing my ‘I must accomplish this’ list. I’m staying small and simple. Searching for the quiet so I can listen to God and allow him to direct my actions.
If this verse in Philippians isn’t the definition of simple and the path to lovely, then I don’t know what is.

Also, eating at Smash Burger helps too. Simple and lovely. Like God intended.

January 26, 2018 - Oh Happy Daze

Fighting for Lovely (+ my HOPE Spotify mix)

I’m now 5 weeks post-transplant. Things are getting better every day. My new kidney is adorable and working like the energizer bunny, clearing my body of toxins and being all-around awesome. My kidney is, after all, only 24 years old, so I’m practically a ‘youth’ again. At my last transplant clinic visit I graduated to every-other-week visits!

Only one new organ was added to my body, but it seriously feels like I got a whole new body. Everything is so different. Much of that has to do with the medications {they just barge in and jack stuff up all over the place} and some of it is simply what happens to the human body when you have major surgery…. like your eyelashes fall out and your hair gets a new texture. oh goody.
This past week I’ve been struggling with emotional side effects from my medication.
This is me on prednisone. The aggressive, irritable diva porcupine….

Now, please don’t take offense if you’ve spent any time with me this past week! I wouldn’t have let you near me if I didn’t want your company or conversation. You’re safe from my wrath. And if I did snarl at you, I swear – it’s not you, it’s totally me. It is SO me and these drugs. They’re the worst. and also the best because they are keeping me alive.
To combat this aggressive porcupine thing I’ve got going on, I’ve been immersing myself in prayer and reading scripture because I want to make sure God’s promises to me remain in the forefront of my mind. Promises about who He is and who He says I am. I’ve also had my Spotify HOPE mix on repeat. Trying to let the words soak in deep. Fighting to stay lovely. I hope it helps you too, in whatever you’re struggling with right now.
{click on the little green Spotify button and it will take you to the Spotify register/log in page}

January 20, 2018 - Oh Happy Daze

Be Lovely.

I know of many people who adopt a ‘word’ of the year. It’s a little more simplified than having specific goals, but it’s a great way to keep your focus and determine your actions as your year progresses. I’ve yet to have a ‘word of the year’. I’m still old school and usually set goals or ‘resolutions’. However, if I’m being honest, I don’t think I’ve ever actually kept a resolution through an entire year. So that approach is not really working out for me too well. Admit it pal, you probably haven’t kept your resolutions either!
This year I’m trying something new. I figure, I’ve got a new kidney, why not go big and change a few more things? Instead of a word, though, I’m focusing on a phrase.
Several months ago I stumbled on this phrase and it’s been bouncing around in my head ever since. It just won’t go away; so I’ve decided to cling to it.

adjective love·ly \ ˈləv-lē \

delightful in beauty, harmony, or grace. very pleasant or enjoyable.

Am I the only one who is craving this? I so want to be lovely. It’s not about appearance. It’s a label I want all the way down to my marrow.
I want the thoughts I think to be lovely.
I want the words I speak to my children to be lovely.
I want my husband to come home and look at me and find me lovely.
I want my interactions with strangers to be lovely.
I want my friendships to be lovely.
I want God to find the way I spend my days lovely.
Guess what though? I ain’t lovely! That thought is kinda depressing and the thought of all I need to change in order to be lovely is daunting. There is no way I can slap that label on my life as it is right now. Things are a hot mess. That’s where the first part of the phrase comes in, though. I am not yet lovely deep down where it counts. But I can be.
“She talked to God daily…” This is the only way to ensure my lovely isn’t just skin deep.
Proverbs 27:19 (NLT) tells us

As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.

And again in Luke 6:45 (Voice) we are told

A person full of goodness in his heart produces good things; a person with an evil reservoir in his heart pours out evil things. The heart overflows in the words a person speaks; your words reveal what’s within your heart.

If what is inside us isn’t lovely…. then what comes out of us through our words and actions sure won’t be. I want to make sure the content of my heart is lovely. Anyone can be lovely on the outside. But to be truly lovely it will come from inside. Bone deep. You can’t hide evil. You can’t cover up anger, or jealousy, or greed, or selfishness, or pride for long. Our true nature will always seep out in our words and actions.
What we fill our minds and hearts with will determine what comes out of our mouths and in our actions, whether we want it to or not. I’m choosing to be filled with what God offers freely for those who just reach out and grasp it. Those are the things He offers us that will make us truly lovely. Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Gentleness. Faithfulness. Self control. I want those things. Desperately. I think you do too. Yet it can seem so overwhelming when everything you see around you in your life seems to be the opposite: Anger. Impatience. Frustration. Despair. Loneliness. Fear. Sickness. Pain. Sorrow.
How do we chase after lovely when everything in our life seems to be the opposite of lovely? The same way we learn to do anything: spend time with the master. How do you learn to paint? Watch and read and practice and breathe all things from master painters. How do we change the content of our heart from un-lovely to all-things-lovely so it spills out into every facet of our life? Spend time with the one who created lovely. Watch and read and practice and breathe all things from the Master. {wink wink, it’s God}

This year I’ll focus on guarding carefully where I spend my time. What I allow to enter my mind and heart through word or music or media. And I’ll spend time with God. Daily. In the words He has written us. Through the music I listen to. In prayer. and in simply waiting and listening for Him to move.
In essence, I hope that I will be lovely because everything that I’m made of, all my content, will be a reflection of God. The most lovely of all.
Do you have a word or goal(s) for 2018? I’d love to know so we can encourage each other!