On Mother’s Day weekend we found out my mom has cancer.
Just forcing my fingers to type that sentence was a feat. I wish I could erase that sentence and make it go away, but that’s not how cancer works.
I’ve never experienced anything like this; it causes a specific kind of pain in your heart. This information is HEAVY and hard to make sense of. It manifests itself as an actual physical burden, pressing on you. I couldn’t breathe. I could barely force out the words to tell my husband when I got home, and it took me a few more days after that to be able to speak it out loud to anyone else.
When she told us, she also said “But you know, I’m fine. I’m okay with this”. And I wanted to scream ‘You’re NOT fine. It is NOT OKAY”. Maybe I did yell it? I don’t remember. And then, I began to try and process it. My mind still, even two weeks later, seems to just be kind of frozen. I don’t even know how to pray; fortunately, God hears every word and thought, whether whispered or sobbed. He does not turn from us when we cry out.
We still don’t have all the information yet, and because of that I probably can’t answer many of your questions. About two months ago, the surgeon performing an outpatient surgery on my mom’s abdomen discovered something he couldn’t quite label. Our nephrologist stepped in and didn’t waste any time in getting more information and second opinions, as well as referring my mom to a colleague who confirmed a diagnosis of Peritoneal cancer. Peritoneal cancer is rare. The peritoneal cavity is essential a special lining in the abdomen that contains many of the body’s organs: liver, gallbladder, pancreas, colon, stomach, intestines, appendix, etc….. so many organs and types, I’ve had trouble reading up on all the information.
At this point we have more questions than answers. Biopsies were performed last week to help determine the possible location of origin of the cancer. We should have a treatment plan in place by the end of next week. What we do know: her cancer is late stage (meaning it is not contained to one location any more and has spread), but it is low-grade (meaning it is slow moving right now). We also know treatment will involve intensive surgery to remove every organ and piece of organ possible, then a chemo wash.
My mom is a crazy strong woman and I want to keep her crazy strong. I want to keep her, period, but I’m feeling pretty helpless. She’s facing a huge war against this cancer; but she’s not alone. Our entire family is standing with her, prepping to fight alongside her in this battle. And behind our team? We’ve got you guys. Her squad. Our friends and family who are rallying around her, ready to lend a hand where needed.
And God, He is our rock. My mother’s life is built on His foundation. God can mend and heal. He has proven to us over and over that He is capable. We’re praying fervently that He does heal her. God, please mend her. My prayer is absolutely selfish; I need my mama. I’m sad and pretty mad and kind of a puddle of feelings right now.
How is my mom doing, you ask? Um…. pretty much ready to rock and continue being a reflection of God’s love and grace and light to everyone she comes into contact with. So, no change? #teammom
Want to rally with us? Follow her story, get updates, and encourage her via her Facebook page: Kelly’s Tribe
Family
May is gonna be SWEET!
May is kinda the best month ever. Voting’s over. It’s been decided.
There are so many awesome things to celebrate and climb up on a soap-box for in the month of May, and throughout the month I’ll be sharing education, encouragement, and my experiences with all of these things!
It’s like May is MY month (well, mine and Justin Timberlakes).
I couldn’t help myself. I love this meme so much. Also I chose one of the memes that uses a photo of him with curly hair rather than one of his newer photos because A.) If I can’t out-run photo proof of my horrible hair in 1997, neither can he, and B.) solidarity amongst curly hair people, and all that.
Pretty much all of my passions and life experiences have collided into 31 days of ‘awareness’. Not great for being able to spread out my blogging topics, but regardless, I know you’re super excited for me to pour out all my feelings into words. You’re welcome and brace yourselves:
- Foster Care awareness month.
This one is near and dear to our hearts, obvi. Will joined our family through foster care over 3 years ago and we’ve had the joy of supporting and loving and nurturing many other children over the years so I am excited to share our foster care journey with you throughout the month.
2. Apraxia Awareness month.
For several different reasons I haven’t shared too much about Will’s various diagnoses here on the blog. I’m ready to share now, though, because knowledge is power and I’m a firm supporter of the “You don’t know what you don’t know” mentality. I think spreading awareness is so important, so we’ll all learn about Childhood Apraxia of Speech and Dyspraxia and allthethings together! When you know better, you do better. It’s gonna be SO fun!
3. Better Speech and Hearing Month.
Some of you may not know, but I am a speech language pathologist. I work here in Southeastern Virginia at our local children’s hospital providing outpatient therapy. How awesome is it that the educational path God guided me towards years ago has created opportunities and experiences that allow me to not only work with my own son and his disabilities, but with every foster child who enters out home?!
4. National Kidney Foundation Kidney walk.
These are held all over the US in various months each year but the one here in Hampton Roads is always in May! We get to celebrate my successful kidney transplant and the gift of life I received from my generous donor, as well as celebrate my mom and her awesome donor (7 years kidney strong!). God provided and he continues to provide for our family.
5. My Birthday! No photo for this. I just didn’t feel like digging up an semi-attractive photo of myself just to take up space. Also this one is pretty self explanatory: my birthday is this month. I want to say ‘I’ll pass’ but it doesn’t seem like it works that way.
I can’t wait to share more about all of my favorite things with you guys! No promises on daily posts or even bi-weekly…. you know how I do. You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit. Also, I like to set the bar low so I can soar over it. It’s sound logic, trust me.
Getting my life back together.
Y’all. This week has been so good.
On Sunday my best mate Jessica drove down from PA to essentially help me get my life back together. Thanks to the crazy adventures in December and early January this year {Christmas kidney transplant, New Years surgery recovery, and Snowpocalypse resulting in school being cancelled for one thousand days} our home was a hot mess. It was as if every surface in every room had turned into that one chair that everyone has in their room where they pile clothing for 3 weeks before tossing it all in the wash. Add to that the fact that the kids still live here every day and don’t show signs of moving out any time soon. We had quite a challenge to tackle. Fortunately for us, my mom has been coming over frequently to help keep our home livable and essentially manage my life since I can’t adult right now. Also, Jess is superwoman and has a special skill called ‘get it done’. My house is now manageable again thanks to the two of them! More than Jess helping with cleaning and organizing, I just so needed to be near her. She’s one of my people, and as such helps me heal just by sitting with me on the couch while we stuff our faces with ice cream and send funny memes to each other from one foot away. She also waxed my eyebrows for me because she doesn’t want to be seen in public with Chewbacca. also maybe because she loves me and wants me to be my best self. We’ll never know, but they do look fabulous.
We also went on a ‘quick’ {lol} Hobby Lobby adventure with Kelsy Lee {aka kidney sister} and Tiffany {my fitness guru and the reason I ever finished grad school}. I didn’t buy allthethings. Thank you Jesus for self control. Also to Chris for putting the fear of God into me regarding my medical bills. I keep forgetting about those little nuisances. Can’t a girl celebrate her new kidney and new life with some retail therapy at the crafting superstore?! Apparently not, because we also have to pay the heating and electricity bills. buzzkill.
Then this weekend Chris and I got to hang out with other leaders at our church. It was so fun and so needed. I’ve been in hiding for over a month now, avoiding public places because people are germy and germs mean bad news for someone who is immunocompromised. also ew. I was hesitant to go, because germs, but also because of my issues with being prickly lately {read about my Prednisone rage struggles here}. In the end I decided I really needed to try to get out of my hibernation cave and maybe even put on some real clothing. And by ‘real clothing’ I mean tunic tops and yoga pants with the waist pulled all the way up my torso, because a waistband rubbing against my incision ain’t happening. Maybe I should resort to a dress that doesn’t rub against any of my skin. Does this come in my size Lady Gaga?
And quick question, are the body guards included? I need some protection from the huggers and high-fivers out there.
In the end, Chris allowed me to venture out of the house and into the masses. I’ve been starved for real worship and connection with my tribe. There’s no substitute for getting together with others who love God too and want more of His goodness and grace and love in their lives. Unreserved praise, immersion in learning, growing as leaders. It was epic.
{This weekend’s activities made possible by: Thieves essential oils in the air/on the skin/up the nose, as well as my own pillow and blanket, and cleaning wipes on every surface in that hotel room. I ain’t messing around.}
I needed this weekend. As of right now, one month into 2018, I’ve failed on so many fronts. I honestly have this nagging push that I need to be taking on even more things right now. Yet most of my ‘goals’ are still at square one and I want to scratch them off the list completely so I don’t have to worry about failing at them. Seems safer to not even try. Being lovely is so hard y’all. I quit.
Just kidding. All I DO IS WIN. But for real, I left this weekend’s event with a renewed focus. It’s so easy for me to beat myself up right now because I feel like I’m not doing enough, that I am not enough because I am in this season of rest and healing and being slow and healthy {ugh, like a sloth or something}. And I find myself keeping a running list of all the things I’m not doing. Guess what y’all? We can’t all do all things and hallelujahpraiseGod he made us all different so we CAN’T all do ALL THE THINGS. If I’m striving to add something to my plate because I see another woman excelling with that particular bit of life and I want it for myself I am going to miss out on something awesome God really wanted for me. I don’t want to be distracted by things that are not for me. I want to focus on lovely and I can’t do that by adding additional things to my ‘list’; that’s just asking for failure. Instead I’m focusing on unclenching my fist around the worry and comparison I so easily cling to. I’m reducing my ‘I must accomplish this’ list. I’m staying small and simple. Searching for the quiet so I can listen to God and allow him to direct my actions.
If this verse in Philippians isn’t the definition of simple and the path to lovely, then I don’t know what is.
Also, eating at Smash Burger helps too. Simple and lovely. Like God intended.
Boy Meets World {now World, meet Boy}
Every morning Charlie asks me: “Is his name Baker yet?”
And every morning I tell her: “Not yet, they are still working on all of his important paperwork.”
But today, when she asks, we’ll get to tell her “YES. His name is Baker now!”
We’re happy to finally share his precious face with you all.
Our sweet, silly, giggly William Levi Baker.
Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man
are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.
How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!Psalm 127:3-5
Dear Will,
We give God thanks for every single day with you. You are SO loved. Not only by God and hundreds of family and friends, but TWO mommies and TWO daddies. God’s protective hand has been covering you since before you even drew your first breath. He has big plans for you, little Peep. You are an arrow, shaped and formed with a specific plan already designed for your amazing life. As much as I want to hold you tight and never let go, I know we have been given a special task. Our task, as your parents, is not for us to ‘collect you’ in our quiver, but for us to train you to travel a straight path when you are older. A path that includes wisdom, kindness, generosity, genuine love for others, and love for God.
Xoxo,
Mommy & Daddy
Awesome photo cred goes to my sweet friend Holly @ Shutterly Sweet Photography.