Fostering

- Oh Happy Daze

Month 5 is over and meet Jack Jack

I’ve returned to the world of Facebook and other media sites after a month of hibernating. My return is cautious, of course, since I’ve made great progress over the past month in reducing my addictions and don’t want to backslide into my previous time-wasting habits. I’ve got a blog post in the works detailing my month-long un-thrilling adventure in de-toxing myself from media; be on the lookout for that later this week.  I decided to kick off my ‘return to the internets’ party by jumping right in to tell you about our latest adventure and my big parenting fail of the week.
We have an extra little one in our house for a few weeks.
jack_jack_500_large
We’ll call him Jack-Jack.
I’m fairly certain they used our little visitor as the model for Jack Jack in this clip from The Incredibles. Definitely a little fiery at times, and quick as lightning, but mostly sweet as can be. I don’t always feel like Mrs. Incredible, though. So, on to my parenting fail:

Yesterday (Sunday) evening we decided to take the kiddos to the park because it was a beautiful 65 degree day. I forgot, though, that just because it is warm doesn’t mean the sun doesn’t still set at 5:00pm. We roll up to the park after having chatted with Charlotte the entire way about what her favorite part of the park is and what she is going to do first, etc. It is dusk. The park gate is closed. Plan B. Chick-fil-A has an indoor play place that Charlotte can now traverse independently. We report to our 2-year-old backseat driver that the park is closed. She weeps. We try to stop the tears by talking about the yummy chicken nuggets she will get to eat and the slide that she can play on after dinner as we drive to Plan B. She starts gabbing all about her chick-fil-a desires and even says “Mommy, my Chick-fil-a waiting for me”. heart melt. As chick-fil-a comes into view Chris and I both realize it is Sunday. Chick-fil-a is closed on Sundays. There will be no slide. No chicken nuggets. Plan C. The mall has a play-place. And a food court. We drive to the mall. It is 5:30. The mall closes at 5:30 on Sundays. As we back out of the parking space, Charlotte weeps again, “My chicken, my slide”. More tears. Jack Jack begins to get hungry for dinner as well. Surround sound wailing commences in the back seat.  We explain to Charlotte that the slide is closed. She weeps even bigger crocodile tears with her mouth gaped open and puts her hand over her forehead dramatically. Plan D. We drive home and let her eat bread and watch Frozen while laying under a fort.

She was just as content with Plan D as she would have been with Plan A, B, and C, but I hated that feeling of not being able to keep my word to her. This is just the first of many lessons we will both learn as mother and daughter. A lesson in disappointment for her, a lesson in keeping plans under wraps until the optimal time for me. I’m sure that isn’t the only ‘bread for dinner under a blanket fort’ kind of nights we will encounter as awesome parents.
 
 

- Oh Happy Daze

Dos and Don'ts

There are quite a few things I’ve been dealing with lately. I consider myself an ‘open book’ in general but sometimes there are things swirling though my mind that I can’t quite grasp, and certainly not tight enough to be able to attach words to them in order to share them with you.
I’ve been feeling really run-down lately. We’ve chatted about my difficulty saying ‘no’ to things before, and I’m pretty much the worst rehab patient when it comes to that. Backslidden is my middle name. I’ll say no to things and activities for, um, maybe a weekend before I continue to pile things on. It’s a sickness, I tell ya! And honestly, I can’t tell you anything specific that is ‘too much’. I’ve been doing it all. But what is lacking is ‘me time’. No time for me to read, or bake {on rare occasion}, or craft, or paint my nails, or shave my legs {I went 2 weeks recently}, or organize this closet, or donate those toys. And that makes my house look like a hoarder house again. and it makes me feel both physically and emotionally run-down. The kind of run-down that a good afternoon nap can’t fix.
God chose these months of my life to help me learn some pretty important things about myself, though. I have been struggling lately with pregnancy jealousy. I am so ready to have another baby, but we aren’t going to and that makes me really sad sometimes. Remember my kidney disease issue? We’ve been advised by my kidney doctor of all the risks associated for both me and potential baby should we try for another. “I don’t really tell people not to have more children, but you shouldn’t have more children, but I don’t really tell people….just…no”. So we made the decision to grow our family in other ways, whatever they may be. That didn”t stop me from having those jealous feelings, though. I have several friends {including my sister!!} who are expecting right now and I found myself craving that. I certainly wasn’t jealous of the nausea, and swelling, and all the other icky things that happen to you that nobody ever writes down. I was jealous of the excitement, the anticipation, and the pride that goes along with carrying and delivering life. Sometimes it’s hard for me to control those types of deep-seated gut feelings that rear their ugly head. God has been working on changing my perspective, though, and I have truly found a place of contentment which I had been missing previously. I had to put our foster care “status” on hold for a few months and that was a really tough decision, but definitely something we needed to do for the summer {I am watching my friend Tiffany’s son Gavin while she works and there’s no way I can fit 3 carseats across in my Rav4, though not for lack of trying}. Each time we take in a foster kiddo for respite {temporary care} it is really wonderful and I absolutely love doing that; but lately there has been a sense of relief in me when it is over and we go back to having just Charlotte. Just Charlotte is easy, and fun, and flexible. Just Charlotte means longer periods during the day to get XYandZ finished. I know you mother’s of 2+ children know exactly what I’m talking about. That feeling of relief I get tells me that everything I’ve got going on right now is too much, and I need to take a step back and make some choices.
I recently read something with a few girlfriends that has really resonated with me:

“It’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard, she said, is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.”  
         – Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way

We were encouraged to look at the things we do, and the things we don’t do. There are a lot of things I am doing right now, which means there are some things I need to not do in order to keep my focus on those in the do column. Right now, in these few months of hecticness and life, I need to not do more children. I always thought I would have a lot of kiddos. And I probably still will down the road, but right now in this moment it’s just Charlotte and I’m content. content and thankful. So so thankful for what I have because as many friends as I have who are expecting, I have the same number of friends who are struggling with infertility. and my heart hurts for what they are experiencing.
There are so many things contributing to my ‘rundown-ness’ lately, I need to re-assess my list of ‘I do’  and  ‘I don’t do’. 

“Deciding what I wanted wasn’t that hard. But deciding what I’m willing to give up for those things is like yoga for your superego, stretching and pushing and ultimately healing that nasty little person inside of you who exists only for what people think”
– Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet

Things I do:
I do keep my daughter fed and clothed {most days}. I give 100% while I am at work and need to move some more things over to the “don’t” column so I can give 100% to my husband while I am at home too. I host a community group and a women’s group in my home {both of which are essential to my survival}. I babysit the sweetest little 5 month old, sometimes I iron my husband’s shirts, and once I wore only 7 pieces of clothing for a whole month. I write and I enjoy writing. I sew things {not very well, but i’m learning}. I try to live out Mark 12:30 -31 {paraphrased: Love God, love others}.
Things I don’t do:
Right now I don’t do more than 1 kiddo. I don’t write in my daughter’s baby book, or keep her artwork {it goes right in the trash}. I don’t run charity races for work. I don’t cook. I haven’t painted over the sloppy paint job on my baseboards {and I won’t}. I don’t get my hair cut sooner than 6 months since the last cut. I don’t need a spotless house, and I need to stop apologizing for that. I don’t tend my veggie garden weekly {meh, it is what it is}.
What are on your do and do not lists?

- Oh Happy Daze

Popcorn + a lesson in love

So this happened in our house this week:
rose and Charlotte June 2014
I know, my heart exploded into a million happy pieces too.
We’ll call her Popcorn {since she devoured my entire supply}. She only stayed with us for the week but she and Charlie formed a quick bond, though it was more like a love-hate relationship with occasional jealous spurts when they both had their eyes on the same toy.
I am so glad I captured this moment. A moment of pure sweetness and friendship.
It is my hope that this image is a reflection of Charlotte’s character now, and in 2 years, and in 20 years.
I think one of my most important jobs on earth as a parent is to make sure Charlotte develops a deep love for the other people on this earth. After all, it is what Jesus tasked us with:
Love your neighbor as yourself. Mark 12:31
I love myself a lot, so that sets a pretty high standard for the amount of love I am to show towards others. Sometimes it’s easy to love people with an even greater love than I reserve for myself. I’d say most of the time, though, it’s hard to love other people. so dang hard.
Loving others. It’s simple to say, but impossible to carry out on our own. The only reason we can truly know love and show love is because Jesus showed it to us first {and he continues to show it every second of every day}.   I think the best way to have Charlotte learn and internalize that is to see it demonstrated in us, her parents. So we continue to try and focus our efforts and priorities so they point towards our creator, and only then will our actions truly reflect love towards others. It’s a process. It’s a daily choice. It’s so hard to keep our priorities centered. I don’t want to reflect on another year passed and find we had some priorities mixed up, but it’s so hard to do it on our own. I know we aren’t the only ones out there who struggle with priorities. Who are wondering if what they have filled their days and weeks with is stuff that actually matters. Do you struggle too? Here is a modified excerpt from a sermon I listened to recently:

When I run after God then I become the woman God intended me to be, that I was always meant to be. When I become the woman God meant for me to be then my husband gets a better wife, my kids get a better mom. I could run after/put my focus on only being a better wife, and my husband may get a better wife. I could focus on being a better mom, and my daughter may get a better mom. If I run after God, though, then my husband gets a better wife, and my daughter gets a better mom, and you get a better friend, and my boss gets a better employee…  Me running after God personally {internally} makes me a better woman publicly {externally}.

I love that and I am so thankful I was able to listen to that sermon and hear those truths. If you have the time {and if you say to yourself that you don’t have time I would recommend carving out some time}, listen to or watch this sermon series from Flatirons Church in Colorado: Unsinkable {the sermon the above quote is from is titled Rearranging Chairs on the Titanic}. It has helped me focus my priorities on things that last, instead of possessions, my career, or even keeping up with the Jones’ {who do those Jones’ think they are?!}. I hope my heart continues to change and become more compassionate towards others so that I can live by example for my daughter. I want her to grow up in an environment where compassion and selflessness are the norm, instead of the opposing message most of the world has to offer.
Who’s with me?! {raises fist in the air}
also, pray for Popcorn.
 

- Oh Happy Daze

Too busy for words lately.

Well, not necessarily too busy for all words, but too busy to put words on the internet, that’s for sure. I know I’m not the only one, either. Spring never fails to bring with it a crazy, busy, never-ending schedule. This spring has brought along a lot of changes. I’m not so big on things changing, so it has been difficult for me.
Just to do a brief recap of our year so far:

  1. I started imitating Jen Hatmaker’s experiment in self reduction {2 months focused on limiting our possessions, 1 month reducing our spending habits}. I’m taking April off to give myself time to form a plan for the next few months…. also, I just didn’t feel like battling excess this month {see #2 for the most likely reason why I just can’t fit 1 more thing in}.
  2. I started a community garden. Prodded along by God, in what I can only express as an act of obedience… just followin’ along in his plan for my life and my family and changing my life’s direction along the way… no big deal. It is pretty much taking up all my time since I’m basically learning gardening 101 {and 201 and 301} in crash course form.
  3. A few calls for foster kiddos, though none had to be removed and placed in our home. For that, I am grateful. Better for them and better for us {at this moment in life}.
  4. This past week I started watching my bestie Tiffany’s little squish on my days off. We are swapping child care so that also meant a change for Charlotte. She had previously been doted on by my sister on the 2 days I worked each week. Things can’t stay the same forever, though, so we had to change gears. We dropped off a special gift for Auntie Mel last week as a thank you for being so awesome. I’m cracking up about Charlie’s expression in this photos… too cool for school! Thank you sis, for dealing with my baby’s cloth diapers, putting up with her dramatic theatrical performances when you tell her no, and wiping her banana residue face. We love you so much!Charlotte thank you to Melissa 2014
  5. Work has been pretty much on auto-pilot, which has been great. I never thought I’d say that, but it’s nice to be in a position to leave work at work when I head home. I still love my job and my patients to pieces and find great satisfaction in each little miracle I see in their lives.
  6. We have been hosting a community group in our home on Friday nights and hosting lunch with friends {and anyone who wants to stop by} on Sunday afternoons. We love it, but it was getting to be a bit much {though my kitchen has never been cleaner because there are always a few thoughtful kitchen fairies who would tidy up after a meal}. Chris and I decided to cut our big Sunday lunches down to 1 Sunday a month for now. We can’t go a week without seeing our community group family so that will stay as a priority on our Friday nights {If you aren’t in a community group/small group I’d say it’s imperative that you find one. I don’t think I’d make it through life without mine. Everyone needs a support system. If you feel like something’s missing in your life then my guess would be that close, meaningful relationships may be it}.
  7. My kidney function has remained stable {not declined since my biopsy in November}. I am currently still in stage III kidney failure due to Medullary Cystic Kidney Disease; I hope to stay at this stage for a long time. My kidney function will be tested every 6 months in order to gauge any decline. Once my kidney function declines to a certain point, I will have a transplant. For now it’s just a waiting game and I hope to be waiting as long as my mom did before she needed a transplant. This Friday marks my mom’s 3 year transplant anniversary. She is rockin’ and rollin’ with her borrowed organ and I am so thankful to Cathy for her gift of  life to my mom. 464307_10151133973002222_1434278268_o
  8. Probably the biggest news of all this Spring: I said no. To a friend. When I didn’t have an actual “well I can’t because” excuse. As I think about it, I don’t remember the last time I said ‘no’ simply because I needed to put myself first and not really because I had a valid reason for not being available. If it is possible at all for me to do it, I say ‘yes’. That’s not a bad thing, but I need to remember to also say ‘yes’ to my time and my needs.

Here’s to saying ‘no’ sometimes.
Also…. visit the garden website:  www.DigGrowEat.com
and the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/DigGrowEat
like it, share it, tell your friends.