A friend recently shared this video with me and I am so thankful that she did. It’s short and will take 2 minutes of your day, but I hope the take-away will stay with you longer. The narrator, very simply, discusses the difference between sympathy and empathy and why empathy has a ‘healing’ super power as well as the ability to form relationships, while sympathy drives a wedge between relationships. You probably know the definitions of both, but take a moment to watch this and engage in some introspection – do you use each appropriately?
I’m definitely guilty of saying “at least….”
I’m sorry to my friends who needed empathy and I quickly dished out sympathy. I didn’t know!
And I’m certain I’m not the only person who has unknowingly hurt someone’s feelings or who has attempted to rush in with a ‘solution’ to help a hurting friend. In reality, all they needed from me was my patience, my listening ear, and my presence saying ‘me too’ or; if I can’t say ‘me too’, then simple silence.
Inspiration
Too busy for words lately.
Well, not necessarily too busy for all words, but too busy to put words on the internet, that’s for sure. I know I’m not the only one, either. Spring never fails to bring with it a crazy, busy, never-ending schedule. This spring has brought along a lot of changes. I’m not so big on things changing, so it has been difficult for me.
Just to do a brief recap of our year so far:
- I started imitating Jen Hatmaker’s experiment in self reduction {2 months focused on limiting our possessions, 1 month reducing our spending habits}. I’m taking April off to give myself time to form a plan for the next few months…. also, I just didn’t feel like battling excess this month {see #2 for the most likely reason why I just can’t fit 1 more thing in}.
- I started a community garden. Prodded along by God, in what I can only express as an act of obedience… just followin’ along in his plan for my life and my family and changing my life’s direction along the way… no big deal. It is pretty much taking up all my time since I’m basically learning gardening 101 {and 201 and 301} in crash course form.
- A few calls for foster kiddos, though none had to be removed and placed in our home. For that, I am grateful. Better for them and better for us {at this moment in life}.
- This past week I started watching my bestie Tiffany’s little squish on my days off. We are swapping child care so that also meant a change for Charlotte. She had previously been doted on by my sister on the 2 days I worked each week. Things can’t stay the same forever, though, so we had to change gears. We dropped off a special gift for Auntie Mel last week as a thank you for being so awesome. I’m cracking up about Charlie’s expression in this photos… too cool for school! Thank you sis, for dealing with my baby’s cloth diapers, putting up with her dramatic theatrical performances when you tell her no, and wiping her banana residue face. We love you so much!
- Work has been pretty much on auto-pilot, which has been great. I never thought I’d say that, but it’s nice to be in a position to leave work at work when I head home. I still love my job and my patients to pieces and find great satisfaction in each little miracle I see in their lives.
- We have been hosting a community group in our home on Friday nights and hosting lunch with friends {and anyone who wants to stop by} on Sunday afternoons. We love it, but it was getting to be a bit much {though my kitchen has never been cleaner because there are always a few thoughtful kitchen fairies who would tidy up after a meal}. Chris and I decided to cut our big Sunday lunches down to 1 Sunday a month for now. We can’t go a week without seeing our community group family so that will stay as a priority on our Friday nights {If you aren’t in a community group/small group I’d say it’s imperative that you find one. I don’t think I’d make it through life without mine. Everyone needs a support system. If you feel like something’s missing in your life then my guess would be that close, meaningful relationships may be it}.
- My kidney function has remained stable {not declined since my biopsy in November}. I am currently still in stage III kidney failure due to Medullary Cystic Kidney Disease; I hope to stay at this stage for a long time. My kidney function will be tested every 6 months in order to gauge any decline. Once my kidney function declines to a certain point, I will have a transplant. For now it’s just a waiting game and I hope to be waiting as long as my mom did before she needed a transplant. This Friday marks my mom’s 3 year transplant anniversary. She is rockin’ and rollin’ with her borrowed organ and I am so thankful to Cathy for her gift of life to my mom.
- Probably the biggest news of all this Spring: I said no. To a friend. When I didn’t have an actual “well I can’t because” excuse. As I think about it, I don’t remember the last time I said ‘no’ simply because I needed to put myself first and not really because I had a valid reason for not being available. If it is possible at all for me to do it, I say ‘yes’. That’s not a bad thing, but I need to remember to also say ‘yes’ to my time and my needs.
Here’s to saying ‘no’ sometimes.
Also…. visit the garden website: www.DigGrowEat.com
and the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/DigGrowEat
like it, share it, tell your friends.
Month 2: Spending update
For those of you just joining me and wondering why I’m counting months: read here.
In the interest of full disclosure, I’m going to be totally honest with my spending {I’m sure you would expect nothing less from my blog… there’s kind of no filter – it’s all truth up in here}!
Here are the only places I am supposed to spend money this month:
- Farm Fresh {groceries}
- 7-11 {gas, no coffee or snacks}
- Online Bill pay {student loans, electric/water, mortgage… the usual “I’m an adult now” bills}
- childcare
- Walgreens {pharmacy}
- Target {for random, emergency life needs only}
Here are some of the ways I have broken that rule so far:
- A few weeks ago I worked a 9 hour day, snagged Charlotte from the sitters, fed her dinner then passed her off to Chris as he walked through the door and I headed back out to speak to parents about speech therapy stuff as it relates to Kindergarteners. I left the school meeting at 8:45pm and promptly stopped at a drive-thru to shove a burger in my face. It had been a long day.
- While cleaning out the garage Chris found quite a bit of cash stashed in his golf bag. After some discussion we decided to keep enough for a breakfast date after church on Sunday and tithe the rest. totally worth it. plus it was extra money…. so I’m pretty sure it doesn’t count. wink.
- Yesterday I had a procedure {we’ll just call it a lady procedure}. Recovery required a large milkshake and fries. doctor’s orders.
- Today was long. and rainy. and our toddler was being, well, a toddler. and Chris worked late. and there wasn’t anything in the fridge that could be thrown together for a meal. At 8pm we still hadn’t eaten, so I convinced Chris to order pizza. and it was yummy.
So, just to summarize… not spending money is SO HARD! {said in my best whiny voice}. I thought the hardest part would be staying away from Target and or TJMaxx, my usual spots for retail therapy. Keeping busy with other activities and projects {like the community garden I discussed in my last post} has really helped me keep away from my retail loves. I’ve been {well, my hubby has been} making our coffee at home so we are not tempted to stop and grab some on the way to work. We’ve been inviting friends over to eat instead of going out with them {it’s still pricey to cook for a bunch of people, but we try to do ‘potluck’ style and it’s definitely cheaper than always eating out}. As it turns out, the random excess money I have been spending has been on fast food! When I’m in a time-crunch or following an exhausting day I just can’t keep by brain on for one more second to try and cook something, or have nothing in the fridge that I can grab on the go.
We’ve got another week and I am going to sit down tomorrow to meal plan so we aren’t caught off guard with nothing in the fridge or a schedule that doesn’t allow us to come home for food. Hubby just reported, “We are nearing payday and we still have money in our account… it’s working” {very scientific reporting}.
Where does your money go? Are you spending excessively?
A Big Announcement!
No, I’m not pregnant; I know that’s what you were thinking! You’ll have to look to someone else for that kind of news and excitement at the moment… and now that I’m thinking of pregnancy I feel quite nauseous. Blech. Ok, back to my news. Remember how I’ve been doing my own experiment in “self reduction” {mimicking Jen Hatmaker’s project 7}? And remember how I spent the first month {which turned into 2 months} ridding myself of 7 possessions every day? In my post a few weeks ago I shared that I was praying about clear direction for what to do with the money I gained by selling off all those excess possessions.
The answer God gave me? A community garden.
Now I’ll be the first to admit my reaction was definitely not ‘woohoo’, more like ‘um, no thanks’. I’m not exactly a master gardener. Even my weeds die. I don’t really know much about gardening, and definitely very little about growing anything edible. I feel like the least qualified person on earth to start a project of this magnitude. Believe me, I have more questions than answers at this point, but there’s something I’ve been learning about God lately: He’s God. And guess what? I’m not. There, I said it. My life’s purpose {and your’s too, but I’m trying not to be bossy} is to be a tangible example, a simple replication, to others of the love Jesus has for us {does that make any sense at all?}. Of course, there’s no way my itty bitty selfish heart can possibly love another human the way God loves me, but that’s beside the point. I believe my life has purpose when I live it unselfishly. Which is difficult, since we are hardwired to be selfish… you know that’s right {I just channeled Burton ‘Gus’ Guster from Psych, in case you didn’t go there with me. You have my permission to read it again with that inflection}. Let’s say you’re in the same boat as me and have decided you want to live a life that’s focused outwardly, a life that’s purpose is to help others, give to others, and love others. Congratulations! Now what? Where do we start? Living out our life’s purpose will look different for all of us. We can all give in the same way or act the same way… that won’t really be productive. I’ve been reading a great book by Jennie Allen called Restless. I’m going to try hard to not plagiarize her work, so just know these are direct quotes from the book (they come from Ch. 5, but I don’t know what page!):
If you’re showing God to the world in whatever job you’re doing, you’re on the right track. So don’t bother waiting around for a unique voice to come out of the sky. We move, respond, love, and obey. And as we go, God leads…
‘Give to everyone who asks you’ (Luke 6:30). We are called to care for the things we see right in front of us, and anything else we can touch as well, regardless of our wiring and stories. As we live out our callings, we respond to need no matter what.
move, respond, love, obey. respond to need, no matter what. I kinda have no other choice but to throw my doubts and fears out the window. just respond. just act. just continue taking steps forward to live a life of love; not loving myself more than others. I’m starting to see that I don’t have to know all the answers or know each step of my life before I take it. That’s where faith comes in, and I never truly experienced it until recently. I’m going to be blunt here, it’s not ‘ok’ for us to ignore the needs we see {or don’t always see} around us simply because we aren’t sure how to help, or because we feel like we don’t have enough money, enough time, enough skill. The things I’ve said above may offend you. Please know that’s not my intention, I’m simply writing from my heart. If my words do offend you, though, I have a suspicion that it might be because a portion {or all} of it rings true deep down. I was in the same place just a few years ago. Just keep taking steps forward.
That was quite a long rabbit trail, so back to the garden. God has blessed our church with a beautiful piece of land. There’s currently a pavilion for hosting events, but the rest of the land has remained untouched and minimally used over the years. We currently rent space from a church in South Norfolk where we meet on Sundays; and the property just sits. and waits. waits for a building to be built… or whatever its purpose may be. For the past year I have felt a burden regarding this land. Each time it came to the forefront of my mind I would dismiss it with a simple, somewhat valid excuse: I don’t know what to do with it! Then a small thought for a garden was planted {ha, so punny} in my mind that I couldn’t shake. Then it wasn’t simply that I didn’t know what the land could be used for, it was that I didn’t want to take responsibility for knowing what the land could be used for. I didn’t want to be the one to take on this project. Like I said, I don’t know veggies, or flowers, or business. But God put people and authors into my life to help show me my next steps. move, respond, love, obey. respond to need, no matter what. Start a garden. ok.
I registered an email, a website, a Facebook page. I submitted a proposal, designed the plot size, researched water sources and garden needs. I started seeds, scavenged wood scraps, became an official composter. All this happened in about 3 weeks. I guess you could say I jumped right in. I really had no other choice… planting time is right around the corner {or so I read during day 1 of my research}… that really lit a fire under me.
Here is a quick rundown of our plan:
- Rent garden plots to gardeners in exchange for a donation to the garden.
- Host a farmer’s market on Saturdays during the summer months
- Organize volunteer-tended plot(s) to help supply local food pantries and families with fresh produce
It is going to be awesome! The problem? Right now the ‘garden’ is a big field of dirt.
My vision {this is a picture of an individual plot for a gardener to use, there will hopefully be rows and rows of these!}
The portion of our land reserved for the garden:
As you can see, a lot needs to be done before gardening can begin; I need:
- rows plowed {happening this week!}
- plot markers made
- rain barrels built and made to not look hideous {in the works, but still need help}
- eventually a well water pump placed {which costs $$$}
- compost and mulch corrals built {out of pallets}
- trash/recycle bins grounded so they won’t be blown away
- signs advertising this opportunity around the city of Chesapeake
There is still a lot of work to be done. Wondering how you might be able to help?
Step 1: See which of the categories you fit into below
- Is gardening your thing? Would you consider being a part of my garden committee? Lending advice, gardening know-how, and brain power to help this garden succeed? Remember, I’m pretty much learning gardening and business as I go. I could use all the help I can get.
- Is there something you can donate? Do you have cinder blocks, wooden pallets, a wheelbarrow, shovels, gardening supplies, trash cans, compost, mulch, or building materials that you aren’t using that you would consider donating?
- Do you or do you know someone who would love to sell their product/produce at our farmer’s market?
Step 2: Make a donation and start tending a plot.
- Gather your neighbors and work one together if you aren’t sure you can tend it alone.
- Start one with your small group/community group at church for some added bonding time; discuss the opportunity to donate the harvest to families in need {this is what I will be proposing to our community group!}
- Just try it on your own. There’s not a lot to lose {even if you’re a ‘newbie’ gardener}, but plenty to gain. mmmmm…… fresh tomatoes.
Step 3: Help spread the word.
- Would you consider sharing the website and Facebook page with family and friends?
- Are you good at making signs? Or do you know of a great location for me to place a sign or flyer?
Questions or feedback? I’d love to hear them!
I have absolutely no shame in saying we need all the help we can get! If you can’t help in one of the above ways, consider donating or simply praying. Pray for the garden, for our church, for me. I am 100% stepping out of my element in obedience. I know God is behind this project. I don’t know why he chose me but I’m not going to be the one to say no to God.