Chris’ video of his and Charlotte’s nightly after-bath routine has gone viral.
I’m not completely surprised – Chris and I watched it about 5 times before we even posted it; we could not stop laughing. I guess I always just assumed we think she’s hilarious because she is ours and we made her; I don’t really expect others to adore her since they don’t have the same ‘parent goggles’ we do (making everything she does awesome).
The internet is an amazing place. I, too, am a little famous in my own way. The pregnancy announcement I made when we first announced we were expecting Charlotte 2.5 years ago has been featured on Parents.com and will be featured on another site next week!
http://www.parents.com/pregnancy/signs/breaking-the-news/valentines-day-pregnancy-announcements/#page=6
What a week for our family’s celebrity status. Please, no autographs.
Inspiration
A note from "the girl who begins tons of projects and never finishes them"
Remember that experiment in self reduction I started in January of this year? I took an accidental hiatus from it because I seriously completely forgot about it. I hate to admit that. If you are wondering what I’m talking about you can read about the premise of my ‘experiment’ here. Over the course of 6 months I tackled excess in my life in the areas of clothing, possessions, waste, and spending after reading a book by Jen Hatmaker called ‘7’. The categories still to be completed: stress, media, and food. While writing this I had originally included ‘food’ into that list of areas I’d already tackled, probably out of wishful thing. Turns out I never actually completed that month, just talked about it. Ha. That is so me.
Chris and I have had so many changes to our life over the past few months, it’s truly a miracle I’ve gotten anything done. I’m not surprised I completely put this project on the back burner. The biggest task consuming my time recently has been my new business adventure. (since we’re talking about it, go like the Facebook page, share it a few times, and share this information with anyone who may need it. I specialize in helping children with developmental delays and disorders, particularly those families who may have just learned that Autism will now be part of their daily vocabulary). Shameless self-promotion over, I’ve decided to tackle media during the month of November.
This month’s experiment will, of course, begin on November 2nd because today (November 1st) I am busy binging on Netflix, reddit, Facebook, instagram, Pinterest, and the internets (all of them).
Here are my parameters. Read them, study them, and slap my phone out of my hand if you see my thumb hovering over the Facebook app with the little red circle indicating 99+ notifications. I’m going to need some help with this month:
- No television. Not even in a doctor’s waiting room. I solemnly swear. Tonight Chris and I are going to finish watching The Hunger Games: Catching Fire so I can cross that off my list and officially not pine after anything on Netflix right now.
- No Reddit. If you don’t know what Reddit is, I emplore you don’t look into it. Don’t ask about it. Don’t talk about it. And absolutely do not put an app on your phone. I will be removing the app from my phone as soon as this is posted.
- No Pinterest. I am not going to remove the app from my phone because in all honesty I don’t remember my user name and password and that would seriously be such a pain to try and get the app again. I am attempting to prep for the entire month’s worth of creativity and crafting needs in the next few hours before this experiment begins so I hopefully won’t find myself needing to enter the black hole of Pinterest ideas I will never actually attempt.
- No Instagram. Instagram is not usually my go-to time-waster so I feel pretty confident that I won’t be tempted to visit.
- Facebook will be limited. I will not be scrolling through my newsfeed. I will, however, be checking messages so If you want to talk to me about something and don’t have my number you can message me there. Don’t post on my wall. I won’t see it. I won’t be checking notification. I will resist. I swear. I will also be posting in two of my groups and on my Little Fish Speech Therapy page as needed. Gotta pay the bills.
- I will not use the internets for anything other than business related tasks or research. Or to look up the hours for the post office. Well, let’s be realistic. Replace the word ‘post office’ with ‘Target’.
- I will not play any games on my phone. I go through phrases with phone games and right now I’m in a lull, so hopefully this one won’t be difficult at all.
I will still listen to music, still watch sermon videos in our community group, and still use my coupon apps (don’t you dare take those away from me).
Chris and Charlotte will be joining me this month. Charlotte is already limited to 30 minutes of television a day, if even that… I’m still a stickler for following the guidelines recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics discussed in this post. The exception to that was when she was sick. I think she watched both Finding Nemo and Frozen in the same day with back to back episodes of Curious George sandwiched in between while she had the stomach bug. This is definitely going to be hard for her because she loves to ask for “FeeVee” and snuggle up on the couch with a snack. I think it will be even harder on Chris and I because we love when she can snuggle on the couch and watch “FeeVee” while we get lunches packed. Chris is also very much in the habit of being drawn to media throughout the workday because the nature of his work involves a lot of ‘hurry up and wait’ scenarios.
I think this will be a difficult month for both Chris and I. I’m sure this may seem pointless to some. Here are a few passages from Jen’s book that really convicted me to continue with my journey in self-reduction:
“Media has changed the way we interact with one another and what we spend our time doing. Our social norms have changed.”
“The dangerous part of our social media and technologically saturated world is not its existence but what it distracts us from.”
“My communion with God suffers not for lack of desire but time. And let’s be honest; I say I don’t have time, yet I found thirty-five minutes for Facebook and an hour for my shows. I found half an hour for YouTube videos on how to fix lil’ black girls’ hair (my Ethiopian children are on deck, and I can’t have them looking nappy). I found fifteen minutes for the radio and twenty-four minutes for a missed 30 Rock episode. So when I say I don’t have time, I’m a gigantic liar. I have time. I just spend it elsewhere.”
“If a fast doesn’t include any sacrifices, then it’s not a fast. The discomfort is where the magic happens. Life zips along, unchecked and automatic. We default to our lifestyles, enjoying our privileges tra la la, but a fast interrupts that rote trajectory. Jesus gets a fresh platform in the empty space where indulgence resided.”
– Jen Hatmaker, 7: An Expermental Mutiny Against Excess
Won’t you join me? Your reduction in media may look different from ours but I’d love to hear about it if you decide to limit even one aspect of media in your life!
Dos and Don'ts
There are quite a few things I’ve been dealing with lately. I consider myself an ‘open book’ in general but sometimes there are things swirling though my mind that I can’t quite grasp, and certainly not tight enough to be able to attach words to them in order to share them with you.
I’ve been feeling really run-down lately. We’ve chatted about my difficulty saying ‘no’ to things before, and I’m pretty much the worst rehab patient when it comes to that. Backslidden is my middle name. I’ll say no to things and activities for, um, maybe a weekend before I continue to pile things on. It’s a sickness, I tell ya! And honestly, I can’t tell you anything specific that is ‘too much’. I’ve been doing it all. But what is lacking is ‘me time’. No time for me to read, or bake {on rare occasion}, or craft, or paint my nails, or shave my legs {I went 2 weeks recently}, or organize this closet, or donate those toys. And that makes my house look like a hoarder house again. and it makes me feel both physically and emotionally run-down. The kind of run-down that a good afternoon nap can’t fix.
God chose these months of my life to help me learn some pretty important things about myself, though. I have been struggling lately with pregnancy jealousy. I am so ready to have another baby, but we aren’t going to and that makes me really sad sometimes. Remember my kidney disease issue? We’ve been advised by my kidney doctor of all the risks associated for both me and potential baby should we try for another. “I don’t really tell people not to have more children, but you shouldn’t have more children, but I don’t really tell people….just…no”. So we made the decision to grow our family in other ways, whatever they may be. That didn”t stop me from having those jealous feelings, though. I have several friends {including my sister!!} who are expecting right now and I found myself craving that. I certainly wasn’t jealous of the nausea, and swelling, and all the other icky things that happen to you that nobody ever writes down. I was jealous of the excitement, the anticipation, and the pride that goes along with carrying and delivering life. Sometimes it’s hard for me to control those types of deep-seated gut feelings that rear their ugly head. God has been working on changing my perspective, though, and I have truly found a place of contentment which I had been missing previously. I had to put our foster care “status” on hold for a few months and that was a really tough decision, but definitely something we needed to do for the summer {I am watching my friend Tiffany’s son Gavin while she works and there’s no way I can fit 3 carseats across in my Rav4, though not for lack of trying}. Each time we take in a foster kiddo for respite {temporary care} it is really wonderful and I absolutely love doing that; but lately there has been a sense of relief in me when it is over and we go back to having just Charlotte. Just Charlotte is easy, and fun, and flexible. Just Charlotte means longer periods during the day to get XYandZ finished. I know you mother’s of 2+ children know exactly what I’m talking about. That feeling of relief I get tells me that everything I’ve got going on right now is too much, and I need to take a step back and make some choices.
I recently read something with a few girlfriends that has really resonated with me:
“It’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard, she said, is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.”
– Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way
We were encouraged to look at the things we do, and the things we don’t do. There are a lot of things I am doing right now, which means there are some things I need to not do in order to keep my focus on those in the do column. Right now, in these few months of hecticness and life, I need to not do more children. I always thought I would have a lot of kiddos. And I probably still will down the road, but right now in this moment it’s just Charlotte and I’m content. content and thankful. So so thankful for what I have because as many friends as I have who are expecting, I have the same number of friends who are struggling with infertility. and my heart hurts for what they are experiencing.
There are so many things contributing to my ‘rundown-ness’ lately, I need to re-assess my list of ‘I do’ and ‘I don’t do’.
“Deciding what I wanted wasn’t that hard. But deciding what I’m willing to give up for those things is like yoga for your superego, stretching and pushing and ultimately healing that nasty little person inside of you who exists only for what people think”
– Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet
Things I do:
I do keep my daughter fed and clothed {most days}. I give 100% while I am at work and need to move some more things over to the “don’t” column so I can give 100% to my husband while I am at home too. I host a community group and a women’s group in my home {both of which are essential to my survival}. I babysit the sweetest little 5 month old, sometimes I iron my husband’s shirts, and once I wore only 7 pieces of clothing for a whole month. I write and I enjoy writing. I sew things {not very well, but i’m learning}. I try to live out Mark 12:30 -31 {paraphrased: Love God, love others}.
Things I don’t do:
Right now I don’t do more than 1 kiddo. I don’t write in my daughter’s baby book, or keep her artwork {it goes right in the trash}. I don’t run charity races for work. I don’t cook. I haven’t painted over the sloppy paint job on my baseboards {and I won’t}. I don’t get my hair cut sooner than 6 months since the last cut. I don’t need a spotless house, and I need to stop apologizing for that. I don’t tend my veggie garden weekly {meh, it is what it is}.
What are on your do and do not lists?
Screen Time, and why we don't allow it.
Charlotte has discovered her sweet spot in the house – when standing in the far corner of the large back door she can look into our neighbor’s house and watch their 60 inch television ’til her heart’s content. Very sneaky kiddo, very sneaky. She is a bit starved for television these days now that she actually knows what it is, but Chris and I are standing firm with our goal of not letting her watch television until after her 2nd birthday. She’s already starting with the negotiations, though: “mommy, I watch tv… one minute”. I resist giving in to her little plea every time, and here’s why:
It’s no secret that our society today is driven by technology, and that doesn’t just apply to adults. I am constantly within arms reach of my phone and, as a result, it didn’t take Charlotte very long to recognize that phones were important. I don’t think there’s a child alive in the US that hasn’t seen a television, phone, iPad, or movie; I’d bet most kiddos encounter all of those numerous times a day. In the US, almost 90% of infants and toddlers are exposed to TV programs before they turn 2 and by age 3 almost 1/3 have a television in their room {source,source}. Frankly, that’s startling.
Now before I go any further I don’t want you to think I’m putting on my judgmental hat or that I sit here on my hoity toity throne dishing out advice I gained from all my awesome parenting experiences. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m new at this. I only have 1 child whom I have parented for all of 23 months so far {even less, since the first months are more about keeping the fresh baby alive and less about shaping them to become an awesome human being}. I do, however, consider myself a kid professional: previously a preschool teacher, swim and gymnastics instructor, tutor, babysitter, and now a pediatric speech therapist.Please read this post in its entirety; I’m just like you, I skim through some blogs and form my opinion based on the phrases and power words I gleaned. I think this post may brush some nerves, though, and I don’t want someone walking away with the wrong idea. Parenting choices are always a difficult topic to approach, but I’m feeling quite brave tonight so let’s dive in.
I am so thankful I recently (about 2 years ago) stumbled upon several articles that offered some interesting information which confronted most of my previous assumptions about babies and toddlers watching television. Previously I was in the same mindset as most other parents out there: “TV is ok as long as the shows are educational”. I am writing this today, as both a mother and a pediatric speech language pathologist, to provide you with the same information I stumbled across so you can then make your own educated decision. I’m not quite sure how this research about television viewing and kids has not become part of the mainstream parenting mindset, other than that there may be some big corporations who make big money on children’s television programming at work keeping things under wraps. That, and the simple fact that television + children = quiet. Quiet means moms and dads and caregivers are able to do what they want or need to do without distraction. Quiet is good, tv quiet is really good and, I’m just going to come right out and say it…. quiet is easy. I’m sorry if that feels like a sucker punch, but it’s not like this is new information. Turning on the television to entertain a child is easy. Don’t be mad, really, I am not saying this to make anyone feel guilty. There are a million reasons why people let their children watch television/movies, and not all of them are selfish ‘because I need you kids to be quiet’ reasons. I have a feeling that some of you set your wee little babe in front of the tv simply because that’s what everyone else does. Or maybe you are just in the habit of keeping the tv on in the background all day for yourself? Let’s look at some research {I never thought I’d be saying that}.
When Charlie was still a fresh baby {maybe 1 month old?} I came across an article from the American Academy of Pediatrics recommending no television/movie time for children under the age of 2 (source). I was honestly really shocked. I mean, what about all those Baby Einstein videos?! Aren’t they for, ya know…. babies? I was confused, so I did some more digging. As it turns out, there is quite a bit of research out there regarding the negative impact of television viewing and babies/toddlers. But not in the way you may think:
“Infants’ attraction to screens is driven by the visual-orienting reflex. Our brains our wired to respond to novelty, especially bright colors, loud sounds, and flashing lights. This is basically a startle reflex, and it accounts for why infants stare at video screens. It does not mean they are enjoying the stimulation- rather, they are slaves to their own reflexes and actually do not have the control to look away. This can actually be stressful to infants, and may have harmful effects on a developing brain that has not evolved to tolerate all this stimulation…”
{source}
So basically, if our babies are ‘captivated by’ a specific show, it truly has little to do with the content, and more to do with their little brain reflexes on overdrive. Their startle reflex is being triggered over and over and over again, their brain unable to relax or shut down. This has big implications for the success of a child’s brain development in those first few years of life. Several recent studies outline numerous negative effects of screen-time in babies and excessive screen-time in children: sleep problems, obesity, decreased ability to concentrate, delayed language acquisition, reduced creative play, reduced problem solving skills… and on and on (source, source). The captivating reflex aside, research has not been able to support the idea that children under 2 glean information from shows deemed ‘educational’ (source), so even if it wasn’t harmful, it isn’ helpful either.
Unstructured play time is more valuable for the developing brain than electronic media. Children learn to think creatively, problem solve, and develop reasoning and motor skills at early ages through unstructured, unplugged play. Free play also teaches them how to entertain themselves.
(source)
The American Academy of Pediatrics also recommends less than 2 hours a day of screen time for older children (source), since there is a negative correlation between the hours a child watches television and their reading skills (source). Regardless, the time a child spends watching television is time taken away from them engaging in other, more cognitive enriching activities.
I’ll be the first to say I haven’t parented long enough to see how this ‘no tv under age 2’ thing plays out when an older sibling is already allowed to watch television. I’d imagine it’s difficult, but I also know it can be done {i’ve experimented by borrowing my nephews, ages 7 and 4}. Here’s the thing about toddlers under age 2 – they nap. And it’s wonderful. Charlotte and I have gotten into a pretty good routine: she goes down for a nap, I grab a snack and turn on my guilty pleasure show {I can’t even bring myself to type it}, she wakes up, I turn off the television and go get her out of bed. It’s the perfect check and balance system because the beginning and end times for television are set and regulated by a tiny monster sleeping upstairs. Afternoons can’t be wasted away with me lying on a pile of unfolded laundry in front of the television. There is a small window of opportunity for glorious tv viewing and once she wakes up it’s over. and sometimes it’s annoying {not gonna lie, sometimes I roll my eyes…. hard}. and there have been so many times I’ve just wanted to snuggle up on the couch and show her the Lion King and see her reaction to all the animals {the zebra seems to be her fav at the moment}. but I resist. mostly out of principle. I’ve made it 23 months without letting her watch television or movies. I can make it one more month. And once she is 2 we won’t let it be a TV free-for-all. We will continue to follow the guidelines recommended by the AAP {1-2 hours a day of high quality content only source), we may even offer less.
Now, you may be thinking that because I don’t let Charlotte watch television I probably have to lay on the floor and play with her all day long or she’d have nothing to do. but I don’t. I can’t. I would go mad. I have been very impressed with Charlotte’s development {her creative play, her ability to entertain herself, her ridiculous vocabulary, and mostly her language development}. I have seen the benefits of allowing free, unstructured play that requires creativity and active participation as opposed to the passive participation television requires of us. I also know that Charlotte has watched television under the care of other people {even my own husband admitted to letting her play a wildly stimulating alphabet game on his phone}. And that’s ok. And she has survived folks! But I’m calling all parents to truly think about what their child is gaining from television that they couldn’t gain from a conversation with us or play with a peer or even play by themselves…. the answer is nothing (and I know that because I’m a speech therapist. that’s what I do in life).
Since that was a ridiculously long post, here’s a recap:
- AAP recommends no tv before age 2, after age 2 they recommend <2 hours a day of high-quality (read ‘educational’) programming
- Any videos/shows geared towards babies are actually not best for baby
- If your child seems ‘glued to the tv’ it’s because THEY ARE, thanks to a startling reflex triggered by the screen. aka: not good
- Negative correlation (one incidence raises as the other lowers) between tv watching and reading skills, attention skills, ability to problem solve, creative play, and language acquisition.
- Positive correlation (one raises, the other raises) between tv watching and obesity and sleep issues.
- Not allowing Charlotte to watch television has helped curb my appetite for tv/movies (it’s not totally gone, but definitely diminished), and I am more productive throughout the day without TV being an option to distract me.
- No television program/movie/app can deliver more educational/fundamental information for development than a warm, talking human being {at least while a kiddo is young. Once Charlotte starts asking me what the square root of 8,945 is or how many different types of kangaroos there are I’m sending her straight to the Discovery channel and a computer}
Are there ways you can begin implementing reduced television/movie/iPad/phone times in your home? Now is the best time to start; let’s not wait until more research comes to light in 10 years touting the negative effects of screen time on entire families. I think everyone can benefit from unplugging and connecting face to face.
mmmkay, are we still friends? Oh I hope so!